I've Just Seen A Face

When I awoke the next morning I was in bed alone, and there was a ton of commotion downstairs. I slipped on some pjs and went down to see what was going on. As I walked downstairs, I remembered everything from the night before, because in my living room sat the Beatles. All four of them.
“Morning, sweetie! I’m making breakfast!” My mother said cheery as can be. I looked at Paul. He had such a sad look on his face, but I didn’t care. I told him not to come, and he did anyway. Seeing him this morning only made me relive last night.
“Mom, where’s Davy?” I asked.
“He went out with your dad. He won’t be back for a while.” John answered for her. I just nodded, great. I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, as far away from Paul as I could get. Just then Tom walked in.
“Hey there sleepy head.” He said smiling. I smiled in return and he came and sat next to me.
“Yes, she did sleep a lot this morning didn’t she?” My mom said entering the living room. I nodded and yawned.
“Ya, it was a late night mom.” I said. And the next words that came out of her mouth, I’ll never forget.
“Well, yeah, but it got even later after you came home. With all that moaning and groaning we heard.” She said and I froze. I looked around the room and everyone was looking at me.
“Moaning and groaning, eh?” John asked smirking. I looked at Paul who was not one bit amused.
“Yes, I think my daughter was having sexual intercourse las-”
“Mom!” I interrupted her. This time everyone was laughing, even Paul. No matter how embarrassing it was, I have to admit, it was funny the way my mom was all nonchalant about it.
“I’m sorry, dear, but we all heard it. It’s no secret. You’re kinda a loud one.” She whispered, but still so everyone could hear. She giggled and walked back to the kitchen and I could feel my face as hot as fire.
“The shy ones always are.” John said smirking and the others laughed quietly, even my brother. Although I was trying to get revenge for what Paul had done last night, I was mostly doing it because it made me feel better. I didn’t really want him to know about it. I mean, he knew Davy and I have had sex, but now that we, well, I, have feelings for him, I don’t like to bring it up.
“Shut up John,” I said still totally embarrassed. I didn’t speak a word through breakfast and right after words went up to change. Just as I slipped a shirt on there was a soft knock on my door.
“Go away Paul.” I said.
“It’s not Paul,” Tom said. I walked over and opened up the door.
“Sorry, I-” I stopped because I couldn’t think of an excuse to explain why I had thought it was Paul.
“Don’t worry, I know.” he said and shut the door. I was amiss.
“Know what?” I asked casually.
“About you and Paul.” he said. How did he know?
“Really? How?” I asked him.
“Paul told me.” he answered and motioned for me to sit next to him on the bed. Why would Paul tell my brother?
“When did he tell you?” I asked.
“This morning.”
“Did he just come out and tell you, or what happened I’m confused. And you didn’t tell anyone did you?” I began to get worried. He just smiled.
“No, I haven’t told anyone. When they arrived this morning I could tell something was wrong with him. He pulled me off to the side and told me that he wasn’t supposed to come. I then asked what he meant and so he told me everything.”
“Everything?” I asked still shocked.
“Well, maybe not everything, but he told me how you guys started to have a thing for each other and when you tried it, George got mad so you are both just kinda waiting for him to accept it, so you don’t hurt him anymore….” he began saying and stopped.
“Did he tell you more?” I asked.
“Not really. I asked why he was telling me this and he said because he did a horrible thing and wants me to talk to you.”
“So did he tell you what he did then?” I asked angry again.
“Yes, and I was pissed at him. I mean, it’s not like you at all to act like this when you have Davy, or any boyfriend, so when you do, you must truly like him. And he’s got to be stupid if he doesn’t see that. So when he pulled a stunt like this I let him have it.” I was happy to see that Tom stuck up for me, but I could tell there was more.
“But…you are on his side aren’t you?” I asked, annoyed.
“Olivia, just talk to him okay. After he began talking to me I could tell that he was really torn up about doing that to you.”
“Tom, he could’ve have figured that out without doing anything. If he knows I like him, obviously I’m going to be hurt to find that since I wouldn’t give it to him, he was going to find someone who would.” I said tears forming. The sight of him with that girl flooded my mind.
“I know it hurt you and like I said, I ripped into him for it. And told him I don’t want to hear that he’s done it again. But Olivia, think of it from his point of view.” I looked at him.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Do you love Davy?” he asked me. I was taken aback.
“What?”
“Do you love Davy, and be honest with me Olivia.” I paused before answering.
“Not like I love Paul.” I said, and realized that was the first time I said those words to anyone. Tom just looked at me.
“So why are you with him?” he asked me then.
“I don’t know,” I said not really knowing.
“Does Paul know you love him?”
“No, and don’t say anything. I can’t believe I told you.” I said.
“I won’t, but Olivia, you can’t do this to Davy. He thinks that you are back with him because you love him, not so you can get even with Paul when he pisses you off, or so if things don’t work out with Paul you’ll still have someone, whether you really want him or not.” Tom made sense.
“I know, but I get so close to telling Davy, and then Paul does something like this.” I said.
“Olivia, just go talk to him. And really listen to him, don’t shut him out because you are angry.” he said. I nodded and got up to go towards the door, but turned around before leaving.
“Tom, why are you doing this?” I asked. He smiled.
“Because, Olivia, believe it or not, I think he loves you.” the words hit me. Paul love me??
“Did he tell you that?” I asked. Tom laughed and shook his head.
“No, but some things you can just tell.” he said and I smiled. I walked downstairs and Paul and my mom were talking at the table, the others talking with Fig. I walked over to my mom and Paul.
“What are you two talking about?” I asked standing behind Paul. Surprised, he turned around.
“Oh, your mom was just telling me how she likes to eat spaghetti in the Space Needle.” Paul said laughing. I smiled.
“Yes, she does love that.” I said. I tapped Paul on the shoulder getting him to turn around again.
“Will you come upstairs with me?” I asked him. He nodded.
“Thanks for the conversation Mrs. Newton.” Paul said politely excusing himself from the table to follow me.
“No problem, cutie, anytime.” My mom said grabbing his cheek. Paul laughed and we headed upstairs into my old bedroom.
“This your old room?” he asked as we walked into the pink bedroom.
“How can you tell?” I asked sarcastically. He smiled.
“I don’t know,” he answered just as sarcastic.
“So, you told Tom huh?” I said sitting down. He focused his attention on me.
“Are you mad about that?” He asked sitting next to me.
“No, just surprised. You barely know him.” I said. He nodded.
“I know, but I didn’t think you would let me talk any other way, and I really need to talk to you about last night.” he said.
“What’s to talk about Paul? It’s all just an act. I’ve finally realized that. I’m just some sex toy for you, only, I’m a little harder to get at than other girls, such as the girl you found after me.” I said. I knew that Tom had told me about his view of Paul’s feelings for me, but Paul was going to have to work at getting out of this one.
“Olivia, you know that’s not true.” he said. I shook my head.
“I used to, but now I’m not so sure.” I answered. He didn’t respond right away, “Why else would you have done that? I mean you told me you were going to go get a drink and instead went to find that girl.” I said.
“I didn’t go find her. I was going to get drinks, and she happened to be there….” he said.
“That’s doesn’t help you Paul.” I told him.
“I know. But you have to believe me.”
“Why? Why should I believe you?” I asked.
“Because it’s true. I’m not trying to get you into bed, I really like you.” he said.
“Huh, you have a funny way of showing it. No wonder Jane dumped you.” I said angry.
“Olivia, don’t bring her into this. That was totally different.” he said.
“Was it really? She was gone all the time and wasn’t there when you wanted her so you got bored and antsy and found someone who would be there. She happened to catch you, although a little further in your act, as did I.” He cringed.
“Yes, but it was different. We were having other problems as well and she was gone because of her job. You, you act like you have feelings for me and tell me you do, but here you are back with your ex boyfriend whom you said you no longer loved.” he said and his tone was full of frustration and confusion. He had a point, “No offense, but I’m always the one kissing you. Always. I know it’s wrong but I continue to do it because I like you Olivia. I really like you and I seem to get the impression that you like me as well when you respond back to me. So great, we finally get to start things, but unfortunately it wasn’t the right time. George needed to cool off from your break up. I just figured we would wait until then, but then you came round and told me you still loved Davy.” I didn’t say anything. I wanted to let him talk, “So I get absolutely crushed. I try to move on by flirting and messing around with other girls. But then you see me and get all pissed off. I get confused because you told me you were in love with Davy. Then you inform me that you were lying and that you just didn’t want to show your true feelings. As much as I wished you wouldn’t of lied, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that you did still have feelings for me. So, once again things are great. But are they really? No, because you are still with Davy!” He said still frustrated. Everything he said was true. He continued, “But I just let it go, thinking you know what you are doing (although it seemed strange to me), because I knew we would soon have our chance. Then came along our ‘Christmas’. I cannot stop thinking about that. It was one of the best nights of me life, Olivia. You know why?” he finally stopped.
“Why?” I asked not nearly mad at him anymore. I didn’t know he was feeling all this.
“Because I was with you. And not only was I just there in that spot with you, I actually felt like I was with you. And that feeling made me so unbelievably happy.” A tear rolled down my cheek as he continued yet, “Then out of pure luck or fate, I don’t know, we meet in the Liquor Store last night. You have no idea how happy I was when I saw you. Then, you come to the party, when I really didn’t think you would. Happier yet. But then comes the bad part. Things are going great, and yes, I was drunk, but it doesn’t matter. When that girl came over to me, I was not interested at all.” he said looking at me. I just looked back at him, tears still welling up in my eyes, “At all, Olivia. I was so amazed at that feeling, because I haven’t felt that way since Jane and I. Even under the influence, I didn’t feel a damn thing for her and pushed her away. And as if that wasn’t enough, your face. When I looked at you smiling at me, I felt so, I don’t know, proud? Would that be the word? I don’t know what it would be exactly, but when you looked at me in that moment, it was perfect. You looked so happy and pleased with me, and I was so happy that I could prove to you how much I like you and how serious I am. Then, you…” He shook his head and laughed softly, “then you had to go and kiss me. And Olivia, whether you knew it or not, it wasn’t just your regular kiss. There was something about it, I don’t know what, but something that just told me that this was it. Inside I was thinking ‘Paul, you found a good one, don’t let her go.’, so I took a chance and went further. I won’t lie to you Olivia, part of it was from the alcohol, but I had no intention of trying to sleep with you, however, I admit, I did think of it. I’ll say it flat out. You don’t know what it’s like Olivia, being a guy, seeing you almost everyday. Your gorgeous eyes, beautiful face and body, dashing smile, and on top of it all, your perfect personality. Again, I won’t lie, every time I see you I can’t help by think of sleeping with you or kissing you or touching you, but I would never do anything like that if I knew it were wrong or if you wouldn’t want it. I guess, if it happened, so be it, but that wasn’t my intention at all. But anyway, you let me go further, and further yet, leading me on. And then all of a sudden you push me away and say something of the sort that Davy is waiting at home for you. I was completely taken aback. Because in my mind, I remember you told me you don’t love Davy and you have feelings for me. So for you to start something, lead me on, and then stop me because of Davy? It made me hurt, confused, angry…and so I needed to get away for a moment. That’s when I went to get the drinks, and that girl showed up. She tried to get me again, but I refused right away. Then as she proceed to push, my drunkenness and anger took over. Not only did you make the comment about Davy that totally blew me away, because I don’t understand why you are still with the loser, but you also said that it was wrong because we weren’t together. And so drunk Paul said, ‘yeah, we’re not together so you can go off with that girl. And let’s hope Olivia sees.’ Unfortunately, you did.” he said stopping again. I just sat there quiet still crying softly. Again, I didn’t realize how he was taking my actions. But I guess, just as I look at every little detail on his, he looks at mine. He’s completely lost, thanks to me.
“Well, I have a confession to make.” I said.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“You weren’t the only one who went off with someone to try and resolve your anger, hurt, and confusion.” I hesitated before continuing, “That’s the only reason I slept with Davy last night.” I admitted.
“Yeah, that wasn‘t the best news I heard this morning,” he said. I continued,
“And I wasn’t even drunk. Which kind of makes it worse…”
“No it doesn’t.” Paul said comforting me. He sighed, “He’s still your boyfriend so I guess it’s natural. I just don’t like to hear about it.”
“Yes it does. Paul I’ve never realized what I’ve been doing to you! I’ve been horrible! I can’t believe that you even care for me still!” I said and began to flat out cry. He took me in his arms and shushed me.
“Olivia, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” he said, “And I’m not the only one hurting. I’ve hurt you plenty of times.” I looked at him.
“But I’m a horrible person. I don’t know why I’m still with Davy, because you are right, I don’t love him and all I’m doing is leading him on, and I don’t know why I treat you the way I do. Paul, I’m so sorry!” I said still crying.
“Shh, it’s okay.” he said and just let me cry for a while. A few minutes later I began to calm done.
“Paul, I’m sorry I got so mad at you, calling you a jerk and all. I guess it was all my fault..” I began
“Olivia, you had every right to be mad at me. I shouldn’t of done that. I just wanted you to know that I felt horrible and that I do really like you. I’m not just using you.” He then smiled, “I’m not so desperate for sex that I would almost ruin a friendship with one of me best mates.” he said. I smiled.
“I suppose not.” I said, and he kissed me on the forehead.
“I’m sorry for doing that luv. It was really stupid. I let jealousy and anger get the best of me. I guess things have changed a lot since our last deep conversation.” he said.
“The one about, ’not hurting anyone right now’?” I asked referring back to the conversation that seemed so long ago.
“Yes, that would be the one. Seems like we are hurting everyone now.” he said still holding on to me. I leaned my body against him.
“Things will get better won’t they?” I asked with hope. He nodded.
“Yes, but until then I don’t think things can go on like this.” he said. I looked up at him.
“What do you mean?” I asked, even though I think I had an idea.
“Us. We’ve got to stop doing this whenever we are together. We are just going have to try and act like friends, because I don’t know how much more of this I can take. And I don’t know if you can take anymore.” he said and I nodded, “I mean, I‘ll go through it, if it means having you one day. That’s how much I care for you, but I think that if there‘s a way to avoid it for now, it would be best.” he finished. I agreed with him 100%.
“Yeah, I think so too. It’ll be hard, but you’re right, we can’t keep doing this.” I said. And with that, things were settled. For now. I told him that I was just going to stay with Davy so everything would remain normal until we knew we could proceed. He didn’t fully understand why I had to stay with Davy, but I told him I just felt like I needed to.
( Just to add, if you were to ask me now, years later, I would not know why I felt that way. Paul was right, I shouldn’t of stayed with Davy. But then again, I was only 19, still pretty young to be having relationships like this, so I didn’t really make the best choices all the time. Paul was a little older, so he knew, but he also knew, that I would have to learn through my own mistakes.)
The Beatles left a few hours after Paul and our talk, and we didn’t know when we would see each other next. They thought maybe they would be coming down around New Years, (a little more than a week from now) so we could all get together; the whole group. But until then they would keep in touch. I agreed and bid them farewell. Davy returned later that day knowing nothing about the Beatles visit. I felt bad, but that’s the way I had wanted it. My brother Phil came down for Christmas and brought his new girlfriend, who wasn’t that nice. But, then again, neither was he. It turned out to be a really good Christmas, except for the fact that my parents indeed announced they were splitting up. I cried the whole night, but assumed it was for the best. Tom and I continued to keep our secret about my love for Paul. I realized how nice it was to have someone else know about it. This way if I had problems and needed advice I could turn to him. It was hard to keep all my feelings bottled up inside. Davy and I returned to sunny Malibu on the 28th, and the Beatles did call and confirm their arrival for New Years. I was excited to see them again and curious to see how well Paul and my plan was going to actually work

On to Chapter 30