Chapter 24

The exact date that Paul was finally convinced to stop live performances was the night of the August 21st, 1966 concert in Missouri. When we arrived, it was raining.
“Those clouds don’t look so good over in the west,” John commented as we drove up to the hotel. We all peered out at the darkening sky. It was only three in the afternoon and their concert wasn’t until 8:30pm.
“Ah, it’ll get better I’m sure,” Paul said shaking his head. The limo stopped and Alf, the driver, came and opened the door for us, “Thanks Alf,” Paul said as he ran past him to the building.
“Yeah, thanks,” the other Beatles said. I smiled as I ran toward the group. Once inside we headed up to our rooms and each Beatle fell onto a couch, chair, or bed. I sat down in one of the chairs. I smiled as I watched them lay with their eyes closed. They had had a busy day, not long ago, this morning to be exact, they were playing a concert in Cincinnati and just got down flying 350 miles to do this show. We sat around not doing much of anything, Ringo and Paul falling asleep. John continued to stare out the window.
“I don’t know about this,” he said.
“What? The weather?” I asked him looking up from my magazine. He turned back to me and nodded.
“Yeah, I think Paul’s wrong. It looks to me like it’s getting worse.” He said. I looked out the window and John was right. The clouds were moving in fast and they continued to get darker and darker.
“Will you guys still have to play?” I asked.
“Probably not. They’ll just re-schedule or cancel,” George answered, walking into the room. I nodded as John flipped on the TV and watched. Not long after, Paul woke up to some very vigorous thunder.
“Holy shit,” he said sitting up and rubbing his eyes. John nodded.
“It’s pretty bad outside,” he said.
“What time is it?” Paul asked.
“7:30,” Brian said walking in the room.
“Oh, hey Eppy,” Paul said smiling. Brian smiled.
“Hello Paul, boys, Olivia,”
“What’s going on Brian?” John asked him turning the TV off. Brian hesitantly looked around the room.
“I have bad news boys,” he began.
“Let’s have at it then,” George said.
“I was noticing the weather and thought it rather dangerous that you lads play. I tried to talk them into waiting until a bit later before we started, but they wouldn’t listen,”
“Gerrup?” John asked frowning. I just watched them silent.
“You mean we have to play in this?” Paul asked surprised, “Brian the amps and our guitars…..it’s all electrical,”
“I know, but you’ll be protected,” Brian added. Paul didn’t look convinced.
“By what exactly?” John huffed. Brian hesitated again.
“An oversized tarp will be above you,” he said.
“A tarp?” Paul asked, and Brian nodded.
“It’ll keep things from getting wet,”
“We know that,” John said obviously annoyed, “Just tell ‘em we’re not going to play. That’s bloody insane.”
“Look at the wind out there Brian, it’s quite strong,” Paul said trying to remain calm. Brian shook his head.
“I’m sorry boys, it won’t do. There are already 20,000 fans waiting to see you,”
“Who cares about the bloody fans! We’d be risking our lives!” John said standing up. Brian flinched back a bit.
“Don’t over exaggerate John, it’ll be fine,” Brian commented as a crack of thunder was heard. Paul got up and walked over to the window.
“Brian it’s raining so hard you can’t even see across the street. It’s crazy for them to make us stay. Tarp or not, it’s very dangerous,” he said turning to face Brian. I looked at him and noticed he seemed to be a bit white.
“Are you alright Paul?” I said.
“She speaks!” John said laughing. I smiled as I kept my concentration on Paul. He lifted his hand and placed it on his forehead.
“Yeah, I’m good, just feel a little light headed,” he said walking over to the bed and sitting down.
“Maybe you should drink some water Paul, you’re on in an hour,” Brian suggested.
“We can’t play Brian, it’s bloody insane,” Paul said calmly, but sickly.
“It’s not an option Paul, you four will play,” Brian said and began leaving the room.
“Tell them to fuck off!’ John yelled after him, and he didn’t even turn around. By this time, Ringo was awake and sitting quiet, “Hell, I’m sick of this shit. Only four bloody left to go and we’re done…..” John mumbled leaving the room. Paul just continued to sit on the bed, staring at the floor. I got up from my chair and walked over to him, sitting down. He looked over and smiled at me, taking my hand.
“Are you sure you are alright?” I asked. He smiled faintly and I touched his forehead, feeling the warmth exerting from his body.
“I can’t believe he’s making us play. The fans will forgive us if we didn’t….I mean, there could be an electrical fire! We could die…..” he said. I nodded, “It’s all just making me sick….Maybe they are right. We shouldn’t tour anymore…..it’s getting out of hand.” Paul finished leaning his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. I just sat there not saying a word. It was true; it was getting out of hand.
“Paul, you’re not feeling well, maybe you should try to sleep before you go,” I suggested.
“There’s no time, however, I do--” he began and quickly stood up, hand up to his mouth as he ran to the bathroom.
“What’s that’s about?” John said returning into the room, watching Paul run past him. I stared off at him, with nothing but sympathy for not only Paul, but all of them.
“He’s sick,” I said getting up and following Paul into the bathroom. He had the door shut but I walked in anyway. Sure enough, Paul was knelt over the toilet bowl, one hand on the seat, the other on his stomach. I walked over and knelt beside him. He turned his head slowly to me and smiled as best as he could. I smiled in return and took the hand rested on his stomach. He squeezed it tight as he once again threw up into the toilet. I leaned my head on his back and rubbed it softly.
“This bloody sucks,” he said softly. I turned my head back to face him.
“I know, but it’ll be over soon,” I said and he mustered up another smile.
“I don’t even know where it came from. I was fine on the way here,” he said clearing his throat and making a face at the nasty taste sitting in his throat.
“Maybe all this tour stuff is getting to you. You can get sick from being really agitated,” he nodded and flushed the toilet.
“That’s probably it,” he said wiping his mouth with his free hand.
“Better?”
“Much, thanks for being here with me,” I kissed his cheek.
“No problem,” I said as we heard Brian in the other room telling the boys to change for the concert. Paul breathed deep and we stood up. He brushed his teeth and got dressed along with the others.
“Here goes,” he mumbled as he picked up his Hofner and followed his mates out into the hallway.
“I’m not bloody happy with you,” John said to Brian as they walked past him standing in the doorway. Brian just swallowed. I touched his shoulder and smiled at him as I brought up the lead. He smiled genuinely and followed me out. The weather that night only got worse and The Beatles indeed had to play the entire concert, being scared for their lives the whole time. Surprisingly, 23,000 fans held out through the storm to see their idols perform. The tarp didn’t really do anything. In fact, it dripped water on the amps the whole time. It wasn’t the best Beatle concert, but thankfully for them, it was one of the last.


The American concert and the touring days of The Beatles were long over and things were beginning to get back to normal….for the Beatles anyway. Things between Paul and I were getting a little shaky. Paul seemed to be distant ever since their last concert in Candlestick Park. We didn’t have as much time together, which I definitely thought would change since the tours were over, but it just seemed to get worse. They would spend days and nights in the studio, and would often go out to parties afterwards. Not really being into their parties, I never attended. It was too much for me. If Paul enjoyed it great, he could go without me--and he did. Which was another thing; in the beginning, I would almost have to make him go to parties without me, because he wouldn’t go if I wasn’t. But lately, he seemed to not really care. So, the majority of the time, I spent with Martha alone at home. There was one night in particular I remember.
It was early December and many things had happened. John went to Spain to film a movie called How I Won the War, without the others, and ended up cutting his hair short and wearing little granny glasses in which he never takes off now. George and Pattie had just gotten home from a trip to India, in where George was taking sitar lessons from a man named Ravi Shankar, and Paul was working on music for the soundtrack of The Family Way. This particular day, Paul had just gotten home from a long day at the studio. In just a few weeks Paul and I would be heading home to Seattle for Christmas there.
“How was everything today?” I asked him as he kissed me.
“Good,” was all he said as he walked into the kitchen, starting some tea. I followed, standing behind him and putting my arms around his waist, missing his company so much. He turned slowly and smiled.
“Hello,” I said.
“Hi,” he replied putting his arms around me and kissing me again.
“Are you going to actually be home tonight?” I asked.
“What are you on about?”
“You’ve been gone a lot lately,” I said, “At parties and things,”
“Oh, I’m sorry love, but there’s just been a lot going on, with the Christmas Albums, new songs, this movie thing, John’s movie….” he told me, playing with a strand of my hair.
“I know, but are you going to be here, tonight?” I asked again. He smiled.
“Yeah, I’m not going to go anywhere tonight. I have to make a run back to the studio, but that shouldn’t take long. Then how ‘bout we go to the farm for the weekend,” he suggested. It had been a while since Paul and I had really had time alone, with nothing else to worry about. The only time we’ve been alone lately was in bed, in which we were sleeping. I smiled.
“Okay, I’d like that. I’ve missed you,” I told him. He smiled sadly.
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I said earlier…you’re always gone at parties lately, and other things, never here. I mean, I don’t mind if you go to parties, but it’s been almost every night. I’m always alone, and we haven’t really been ‘together’,” I said making quotations with my fingers, “in a long time. I’ve just missed you.” I said again shrugged slightly. With that he hugged me close to him and put his face to my neck.
“I’m sorry love, I really am.” He whispered, “I’ve missed being with you too, really I have. I thought after this whole tour thing ended we’d have more time, but things just keep coming up.”
“That’s alright, we’ll have tonight I guess,” I told him and he pulled away enough to look at me.
“No, not just tonight. You’re absolutely right. From now on, I don’t care who’s at the parties. I’m not going to leave you anymore. I’ve been stupid…I know I’d rather be with you than at those parties.” He said looking confused at himself. I smiled not sure if he was telling the truth. If he was, why did he keep going leaving me at home? The tea kettle began to whistle and Paul poured himself a cup. He took a nap, ‘resting up for tonight’ he told me with a wink, and then headed off to the studio. He informed me it wouldn’t be more than an hour and a half. They just had to put some finishing touches on John’s ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’. However, two hours had passed and Paul was not home, nor had I heard from him. I wasn’t really worried, I just figured they got into another song or something of that sort, but when four hours went by with nothing, I started to get a little out of sorts. I had the number for the studio so I decided to call and see what was going on. It was already 9:30 and Paul and I were still supposedly to drive 3 hours to the farm--I wasn’t sure if that would happen anymore. I dialed the number at the studio and to my dismay there was no answer. Confused I hung up the phone. I was getting tired and decided just to head off to bed. If Paul comes home soon, he can just wake me. I changed and crawled into our bed, not really being able to fall asleep. I was tired, but I couldn’t understand why Paul would promise me something and then break it, especially without letting me know why or where he was going instead. We had been together for about 2 years….was he already getting sick of me? I had always thought in the back of my mind, that he would one day tire of me and want someone new. I told him once, and he assured me that it would never happen and he even told me never to think that again. He tells me all the time he loves me with all his heart, but right now I wasn’t sure. He hasn’t been showing it like he used to. I laid there staring at the darkness all around me and eventually fell asleep. I woke up again sometime in the middle of the night and turned on the light. Paul still wasn’t there. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 4:25am. By this time I was really worried and went downstairs to the phone. I dialed John and Cynthia’s number.
“Hello?” A groggy Cynthia answered.
“Hi Cyn, it’s Olivia, sorry to call so late,” I started.
“Olivia, are you alright?,” she asked me, probably noting the time. I smiled.
“Yeah, I’m okay, I was just wondering if John was home?”
“Um, yeah, he got home a couple hours ago why?” she asked me. My heart sank. Usually John was the one out the latest.
“Oh um, Paul’s not home yet,” I told her.
“He’s not?” she asked and I could hear the surprise in her voice.
“No. He said he was going to run to the studio quick and then come home. That was around 5pm, and I haven’t heard from him or seen him since,”
“That’s strange, it doesn’t seem a bit like Paul,” she said.
“I know. Do you know what they did? Does John know where he’s at?” I asked.
“Hold on a minute Olivia,” she said and I sat impatiently on the phone. Where in the world was Paul!?
“Olivia why are you bloody calling now?” John said into the phone. I heard Cynthia scold him in the background.
“Nice to talk to you too John,” I said sarcastically.
“I’m joking luv, what’s the matter?”
“Do you know where Paul is?” I asked him.
“He’s not home?”
“No, I’m getting worried. He said he was just going to run to the studio, but I haven’t seen him since 5pm,” I repeated to John.
“Uh, well, we went to a party afterwards,” he started. I knew it, “And he was still there when I left at 3ish, but he said he was going to get home.”
“Yeah, well he’s not here,” I told John, “I can’t believe he did that. The stupid nit,” I said getting angry and somewhat sad. He promised me…….
“I can’t tell you why either luv. But don’t get out of sorts, he was shaken up ‘bout something. He’s been acting weird lately.”
“What do you mean?” I asked shocked someone else noticed.
“Ever since we stopped touring, he’s been, I don’t know, different. I think he’s unsure of things now or something. He tells us he thinks it’s for the best, but I don’t think I believe him.”
“That’s what I was thinking, but does he really need to go out and party every night?”
“Don’t know luv, you’ll have to talk to him. I’ve tried but he gets angry and tells me to bugger off. He’ll listen and talk to you.” He said and just then Paul walked into the house. He locked the door turned around and saw me. He stopped dead in his tracks as I just looked at him.
“He just got home John, thanks,” I said into the phone.
“Alright, glad to be of service,” he said, “And figure out what’s wrong with the stubborn bloke, will ya?” I laughed at that.
“Will do, bye John,”
“Bye bye,” he replied and I hung up. I just stood in my spot and Paul began walking towards me.
“Where were you?” I asked him, even though I knew.
“Olivia, I can explain,” he started.
“No, I just want to know where you were,” I asked again.
“At a party,” he said exhausted. He was standing right in front of me now, and I could see the redness in his eyes.
“I knew it,” I said softly, “I can’t believe you. Paul you promised me….” I started and he took my hands in his, but I pulled away from him. He closed his eyes and rubbed his brow.
“I know, and I’m so sorry love. It’ll never happen again,” he said. I shook my head.
“What’s going on with you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re different. You have been for a while now. Are you getting bored with us? With me?” I asked him. His face mixed with anger and hurt.
“Olivia, please, don’t start that,” he begged, “You know that’s not true,”
“Well? You never seem to want to be with me anymore Paul. Parties are becoming more important to you than I am.”
“That’s not true either, Olivia,”
“Really? When’s the last time we had dinner together?” I asked him and he stood silent, “We used to do that quite often, whether you were busy or not. Now you spend your nights at parties getting high…Or, when’s the last time we stayed up late talking and watching movies like we used to?”
“I don’t know,” he said quietly.
“Exactly, it’s been too long. I remember how I used to have to force you to go to your own parties because you wouldn’t want to be away from me. You’re always the one that wanted to go out on romantic get aways and dinners. Do you remember when Mary asked me to be a model?” I asked him. He nodded.
“Yes,”
“Yeah, do you remember what happened after that? You confessed how incredibly jealous and selfish you can be, how you never want me away from you. And now all you want to do is party and do drugs. You didn’t want me to leave because you wanted to be with you always, and here you are, leaving me.” Paul shook his head sadly.
“Olivia, you’ve got it all wrong. I do want to be with you all the time. You know I’d bring you to the studio if I could, but me and the guys made a pact a long time ago not to bring girls into the studio. I bring you everywhere else,” he said.
“Yes, you bring me everywhere with you, but when we don’t go anywhere, you leave me,” I told him and hesitated for a moment, “Do you realize that we haven’t slept together in weeks?” I said, “No offence, I love you, but that’s quite a shocker for you,” He walked closer to me so we were touching, and took my hands again. This time I didn’t pull away.
“I know, trust me, I keep thinking about it,” he admitted. Go figure, “It’s not the way I want it. Olivia you know I love you, more than anything. I want to go back to going on our dinners and get aways, you know, I want to get back to talking late at night while we watch movies, and I want to make love to you. Hell, I want to marry you, have kids with you, grow old with you….” He faded off shaking his head. I started to get more sympathetic rather than angry. Something was obviously bothering him, to make him act this way. It wasn’t normal.
“Then what’s going on with you? Ever since you stopped touring, you’re different. You are distant and more into parties and drugs than you ever have been. Even the guys have noticed.” I told him, softly touching his face. Paul closed his eyes and breathed deep as he pushed his face against my hand slightly before opening his eyes. He led me over to the couch and sat down, pulling me onto him.
“I feel like everything is falling apart.” He said.
“What’s falling apart?” I repeated and he shrugged.
“I don’t know--everything. I feel like, things are changing for the worse. I mean, we stopped touring, and I know it’s probably for the better, but that’s what made us a group in the first place. It’s the gigs and concerts, and now we’re done with it all. I know we still have our records and music, but it’s just not the same. And on top of that, John just went off to Spain and made a movie, without any of us.” He stopped.
“Paul this is the first few months after you guys stopped touring. I understand how confused you probably feel, but I don’t think you guys are falling apart. Who cares if John did a movie--he didn’t leave the band. You know he loves the Beatles and rock ‘n’ roll. He loves you guys,” I told him.
“I guess, but I can’t help but feel this way. It’s just so different.”
“You’ll get used to it. You all will,” I said kissing him. He smiled faintly.
“Then there’s you.”
“What about me?”
“I’ve been shit for a boyfriend. Leaving you alone and not showing you how much I really do love you,” he started, touching my face softly and staring at my lips, “Olivia, if you weren’t with me right now or you left me--I’d probably kill myself.” He said looking up to my eyes.
“Paul, don’t talk like that,” I told him.
“It’s true. You’re everything to me, you’re my whole bloody world,” he said sounding angry, “God, I feel horrible, making you feel like I don’t love you when I do more than anything. You used to not even second guess me, but now you are…..”
“Paul, you’re not a crappy boyfriend; you’re far from it. In fact, you’ve treated me better than anyone in my entire life, and I’m so lucky to have you,”
“But you’re not sure if I love you or not,”
“Yes I am. I know you love me and I love you so much,” I told him and he smiled softly, “You’ve just been distant lately, and I didn’t know why, so I did the stupid girlfriend thing of making up my own conclusions….you know, ‘oh he doesn’t love me anymore!’. But I knew the whole time it wasn’t true, I knew you still loved me. Plus, it’s not like you’ve been this way for a year, it’s only been a couple months.” Paul nodded.
“I’m going to get back to normal, I swear. I’m done with this bloody shit; I’m not really in to partying every night anyway. It’s not that great.”
“I didn’t think so, that’s why I’ve been so confused why you kept doing it.” He sighed,
“I think I was only going to parties’ cuz it helped me forget about what a jerk I’ve been to you and how The Beatles are changing. But you’re right; things are just different because we don’t have touring anymore. It’ll get better,” he said and I smiled.
“There you go, that’s the spirit,” I said and he laughed.
“Man, I am lucky to have you. I don’t know where I’d be without you,” he said.
“Oh, it’s not me. You knew it all along; you just needed someone to help you realize it,”
“No, it is you. That’s one of the things I love about you,” he said.
“What? That I helped you figure out your problem?” I asked, and he smiled.
“Not just that, but you are always optimistic. I try to be as much as I can, but being around John everyday, wears on you a bit. But I always have you, to make things better. Even before we started dating, you were assured that things would get better and we would be together. You’re optimistic, but you’re real about it. None of that dream shit.”
“What do you mean? I have dreams,” I said and he laughed.
“I know you have dreams, but you don’t live in a dream world, like I tend to do sometimes and other girls do, because I’m a Beatle and all. For instance, one of the reasons I was so attracted to you and fell so fast, is that you would often tell me you didn’t want me.” I was confused.
“Uh, what?” I asked and he laughed.
“Any bird would go crazy if I fell for her, because I’m this big famous thing, you know, a Beatle,” he said waving his hands in the air and making a face, “But not you. I told you so many times that I liked you, but you still kept pushing me away, saying you weren’t sure. It’s like you didn’t even see me as a Beatle; you saw me as a man, Paul McCartney, and I wasn’t used to that. I was used to girls throwing themselves at me and getting what I wanted because of who I am. I had to be real to impress you; you didn’t fall for me Beatle charm, like other girls. It was fun for a while, you know, pulling any bird I wanted, and not having to commit to her. But it got sickening and you’re what I always wanted in a girl, when I settled down. Someone who was real,” I scratched my head.
“But I fell for your ‘Beatle Charm’ in the beginning--the night I met you, and in the hotel,” I told him.
“Not really. You just kept looking at me, but seemed more interested….in George.” I shrugged, “I think, whether you admit it or not, you fell for his Beatle charm,”
“I feel horrible, but I think you are right,” I admitted, “But I could’ve gone to you…after all you were my favorite,”
“I was?” he asked innocently. I laughed.
“You still are,” I said and he smiled.
“Good,” he replied, “So why then didn’t you come to me?”
“I don’t really know. When I first actually saw you back there, you looked at me and your eyes…..” I said shaking my head remembering.
“What about them?”
“There was something about the way you looked at me that night, it scared me. It was like I had known you in another life time or something and at the moment, I knew something was going to happen. I kept telling myself and Davy nothing would, and I honestly thought so, but that look. It was like you knew something was going to happen too…maybe it was love at first sight,” I said shrugging.
“It very well could’ve been, it was that night I was talking to John about how there was something about you that made me want you more than ever, and not just for a one night’s stand. Like, I really wanted you,” he told me and I smiled, “But as far as the way you saw me, I mean I knew you saw me as a Beatle a bit because, well, I am one, and you are fan, but for as big of a fan as you were, you didn’t really show it.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” I said, “I just wanted to know you guys as people, not just what magazines said about you individually,” Paul’s eyes lit up.
“Yes, see! That’s what I mean! It took ages before anything happened between us, because you were being real. You were always looking at me as a normal man, you know, and thinking about real problems. As a fan, you knew of my ‘reputation’, but you were also looking at what you had gotten to know personally of me and deciding for yourself what to believe. In the end, you went with me as a person, not a Beatle. You weren’t like most girls who’d say ‘ooo, I want to date the Beatle Paul McCartney, it’ll be so groovy! Everything will be so fun!’” he said imitating a girl and rolling his eyes all goofy. I laughed because my Paul was back.
“I don’t think I sound like that,” I informed him and he laughed.
“Oh, I know, I don’t do good girls,” he said smiling and winking, being sick. I shook my head.
“Well too bad, cuz I am a good girl.” I said. He squinted his eyes.
“Oh, I’ll make you the exception,” he said winking again.
“Exception!? I’d better be the only girl you do,” I said laughing and he joined me.
“You are, trust me,” he said kissing me, “You have been for a long time. Over 2 1/2 years, and you will be the only one forever,”
“I know, I was kidding you,” I said, and he smiled.
“I’m sorry again love, for everything. I was being such an idiot.” He said serious again.
“Don’t worry about it, we’re good now.”
“Good, I love you so much,” He said squeezing me tighter. I smiled and touched his face.
“I love you too,” I said. I looked over at the clock and it was 6am, “Hey look,” I said pointing. Paul turned.
“What?” He asked.
“It’s 6am. We’ve been talking for the last hour or so,” I said to him. He turned back to me and smiled.
“See, things are going to be back to normal in no time,” he said, “I didn’t enjoy partying and getting high every night anyway….I’m actually quite sick of it now.” He said lifting his lip in disgust, “I’d much rather be with you,” he said smiling, “I don’t know what I was thinking,” I smiled and kissed him.
“I hope so, because I didn’t really like that Paul,” I said.
“I didn’t either love,” he told me, “Now how about we go upstairs, and cure another thing,” he said raising his eyebrows and winking yet again. I laughed.
“We’ve been up all night, I’m tired,” I complained kiddingly leaning my head on Paul’s chest. Paul’s eyes got big as he moved his head back. I turned to look up at him and had to smile.
“Girl, I haven’t done it in weeks! I’m deprived!” he said kidding around, and then laughing. I laughed and we headed up stairs, curing Paul of his, and I admit, my, deprivation. Things here on out went back to normal. Paul strayed away from the parties for the most part as he’s always done, and we began to go back out on romantic dinners and spend more time together. He still was busy in the studio, but for the most parts, at nights he was home with me. Once in a while he would stay late, but it would be for work, not play. Also, making me happy, he began cutting back once more on the drugs. The others continuously tried to get him to take LSD, but he refused, not only for my sake, but for his. He just wasn’t interested in it. Next thing we knew, Paul and I were flying to Seattle for a Newton Family Christmas. Paul had already met them for a short time previously, but this was different. It was more family, my dad was going to be here (he was out with Davy the only time Paul had been to my house) and Paul was not just a friend, he was mine and I was his.

Onto Chapter 25