I woke up rather early that morning and I don’t recall why--if there was even a reason.  I leaned across Paul to take a look at Mary, who was, along with Paul, sound asleep.  I glanced at the clock as I yawned.

            “Only 5am?” I groaned to myself in a whisper.  I rubbed my eyes and cuddled up against Paul.  He squeezed me closer to him and I closed my eyes trying to sleep again.  I laid there only a few minutes before I couldn’t take it—there was no way I was getting back to sleep.  I slipped away from Paul’s grip and he groaned turning his back to me.  I smiled and kissed his cheek as I moved from the bed.  I gently walked over to the chair slipping Paul’s shirt and pants on, kissed Mary softly, and then left the room.  Brittany’s door was still shut and I assumed she was still sleeping.  After all, why wouldn’t she be?  I continued down the hall and walked down stairs to the kitchen.  Brittany and I had been best friends for years so I didn’t feel uncomfortable helping myself in her house.  I grabbed a glass and poured myself some orange juice.  I leaned against the counter and drank in silence.  As I stood there I suddenly went into one of those trance like things where all around you becomes complete silence, whether there is background noise or not.  The kind that makes your eyes just focus in one spot without even flinching and sometimes you’re able to stare for minutes without the need for a blink.  I don’t know how long I was standing there but a light tapping drew me away and back to reality.  I blinked a few times and drank the last swallow of my orange juice.  I rinsed out the glass and turned quickly as I heard the tapping once more.  I set the glass down and made my way out into the entry area where it seemed to be coming from.  I jumped back as I took notice to a shadow being cast through the window and onto the entry way carpet.  I walked over to the door and put my hand on the knob.  Should I see who it is or should I go wake Brittany?  After all it was her house…. The tapping occurred once more and I made my decision to open it.  I did it slowly and smiled when I saw Davy, Linda, and their baby standing on the stoop.

            “’Ello luv,” Davy smiled, “Did we wake you?”

            “We’re dreadfully sorry it’s so early,” Linda spoke up.  I smiled as they walked in.

            “No, I couldn’t sleep actually so I was already down here,” I told them as I shut the door, “I thought you weren’t going to arrive for another few hours?”

            “We were originally going to take a later flight, but then an earlier one presented itself,” Linda answered.  Davy nodded.

            “We decided to surprise everyone, but we didn’t realize how early it would be till we were already on the plane.  Then there wasn’t anything we could do about it but sit back and hope someone will here us knock!” Davy laughed. 

            “What a pleasant surprise it is,” I smiled. Davy looked at me awkwardly.  I shook it off.

            “Where’s the restroom?” Linda asked me.  I showed her the way and she left with the baby.

            “I’m sorry luv, really, I’m sure you were a bit scared,” Davy smiled sadly.  I frowned.

            “What makes you think that?”  he laughed softly.

            “Come on Olivia, I dated you for over three years…you get spooked easy.  I think everyone knows that.”

            “Alright so I was a little scared, but it’s 5:30 in the morning and it’s not my house, why wouldn’t I be?” I laughed and Linda left the bathroom returning to us in the living room.  She took a seat next to Davy on the couch.

            “I don’t suppose you know where Brittany wants us to sleep?” Davy asked.  I nodded.

            “Oh I do actually, you’re upstairs next to Paul and I.  The room to the right of us,” I said and for some reason the awkwardness I used to feel years ago flooded over me.

            “Alright,” he smiled, “You know, I’m not a bit tired,”

            “Really? Oh I could just die of exhaustion,” Linda smiled, “Mind if I head off to bed?”  I smiled and shook my head,

“No it’s understandable.  People usually are sleeping at this time anyway,” I laughed and she did as well.

“Goodnight then,” she said and Davy followed her upstairs taking their luggage. I leaned back on the couch and flipped on the TV turning the volume down to barely a whisper.  TV usually made me sleepy so it was one last try to get myself tired.  I smiled as ‘The Newlywed Game’ was on.  This was one of my favorite shows, in fact, Davy and I often used to stay up late at night and watch it—most of the time testing out the questions on ourselves for if we were ever on it after we were married, we wanted to know how good we’d be. I had never done it with Paul and this thought made me want to.

            “Ah, ‘The Newlywed Game’.  Can’t get enough of that show,” I heard Davy speak from behind.  I turned my head and smiled as he came and sat beside me.

            “I thought you were going to bed?” I whispered.  He shook his head.

            “I won’t be able to sleep.  I just wanted to say good night to Linda and Annabel,” he said.

            “Annabel?  That’s a lovely name,”

“Thanks, its Linda’s favorite,” Davy replied sitting next to me.

“She’s quite dashing,” I said and Davy laughed, “What?”

“You.  Sounding all English like, I’m used to pure American Olivia, not half English and half American,”

“You know, Brittany said that same thing not long ago, I guess I just don’t notice it.”

“That would make sense, but it is quite noticeable.  I suppose your little one will have a pure English accent then?” He assumed.  I nodded.

“Probably, and a heavy one too, like her dad,” Davy smiled oddly, “But like I said, Annabel, she’s a doll, really,”

            “Thanks, only 2 months old,” he smiled, “and what about you?  You don’t look quite the same as last time I saw you, quite a bit thinner I must say,” He smiled and I laughed, “you’ve had your baby as well haven’t you?”

            “Yes, baby girl.  Her name is Mary, after Paul’s mom.  She was born April 14,” I replied.

            “I can’t imagine how beautiful she must be already, knowing her mother,” Davy said staring into my eyes.  I smiled and quickly looked away.  There was a bit of awkward silence before Davy spoke again, “Have you been bothered by reporters a lot?”

“Um not really.  There were a few surrounding the hospital when I was there, but they didn’t come up to bother us.  They’ve come to respect Paul and me very well actually.  The screaming is a bit old hat,” Davy smiled again and I shook my head, “A bit old,” I laughed talking American, “We still have a few Apple Scruffs--as Paul calls them--come around and stand at the gate, but they only ask how were doing and to maybe see her,” Davy nodded.

“Well I’m glad you weren’t bothered too much,” I smiled and he spoke again, “Do you remember how we used to watch this all the time and test ourselves?” I turned back to the TV.

            “Yeah, I was just thinking that actually,” I responded, immediately kicking myself for it.

            “Oh yeah?”

            “Yeah,”

            “We always used to win too,” he said with a smile.

            “We knew each other well back then,” I said.

            “Back then?  Have we changed that much?  I’d like to think I still know you better than anyone,” Davy said to me.  I smiled.

            “Okay so maybe I haven’t changed all that much, but surprisingly there are a few things now that you may not know,” I answered, “Besides you can’t possibly know me better then everyone,”

            “Better than anyone but me self,” he replied with all seriousness, “And what do you mean there are things I don’t know?  Like what?”

            “Davy, I don’t want to talk about that,” I said smiling.

            “Come on Olivia, for good times sake,” he pleaded.

            “Well, I’m more outgoing,” I said and he laughed.

            “How boring, I thought you meant good stuff!”

            “There is “good stuff” if that’s what you want to call it, but I don’t want you to know,” I said.

            “May I ask why?”

            “I don’t want to ruin the image you have of me.  Honestly, besides Paul, I think you are one of the only people who have a pure, innocent, vision of me, like the way I want and try to be—and, well, I don’t want to distort it by telling you things that are negative. You are one of the most important people in my life and well, I’d like to keep it the way it is,” I said and again I wished I hadn’t said that. 

            “Negative things aye?” he asked and I nodded, “Well, if it makes a difference, I don’t think it can get much worse,” he said.

            “I don’t understand,” I said and he smiled hesitantly.

            “Come on luv, you must know.  I’ve loved you ever since I laid eyes on you, ever since I hit you with that stupid book,” he laughed nervously and I had to smile, “and it hasn’t changed since then.  Though I moved on to Linda, and I love her, I find myself constantly missing you and comparing her to you thinking, ‘This isn’t what Olivia would’ve done’, After all, you left me, broke me heart, there’s nothing worse than that.” I shook my head,

            “Davy please,” I began not wanting any of this. 

            “I’m happy, I am Olivia, but not happy like I want to be.  Not happy like you are with Paul, and that kills me,”

“Davy,” I tried again.

“No I need to say this.  Every time I see you, especially with him,” he said between his teeth, “it only grows in me what I did to myself--pushing you away, hurting you, making you fall out of love with me and in love with another man, someone I can’t even stand really, and to know now, it’s too late.  There’s nothing I can do about it.”   

            “Davy you can’t possibly still have hostel feelings towards Paul,” I said and he raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh yes I can. Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean anything.  I still don’t like him…not one bit.  Everything he did with you back then, trying to take you away from me and he succeeded too!  I can’t help but get jealous, he has you and I wanted it to be me,” I shook my head again,

“Davy everything you just said to me is, well, it hurts but at the same time is so sweet, however you have to realize that I truly believe that even if you had treated me perfectly and we had no problems, that-” I stopped and saw the hurt in his eyes and it dawned on me that he did still really love me.  I always thought that he just tortured himself by saying that he still did, but something just in that moment told me he really did and it made me ache all over with pain from the past.

            “That what?” he asked me leaning closer.  I just looked at him and I couldn’t tell him.

            “Davy, what are you doing?” I asked moving away from him.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Why are you telling me this?” I asked getting angry, “I’m married and have a baby--and, and, you’re married and have a baby!  Why would you tell me you still love me?  Why would you remind me of the pain I caused you?  Why are you doing this now?”

            “Shh, luv calm down,”

            “No, Davy please, please don’t call me that,” I said so angry and confused.  I looked up with tears in my eyes, “Davy why?  After all these years, why now?”

            “You keep saying now as if it would’ve mattered if I had said it sooner,” Davy said and softly took my hand, “Would it have?” A tear fell from my eye as I stared down at his hand on mine and suddenly I felt 19 again.  I looked up at him.  

            “Davy I have to go to bed, I’m getting tired,” I replied pulling my hand away.  He stood up to follow me,

“Olivia please,”

“I’ll see you in the morning,” I said and walked upstairs away from him.  I wiped my tears away from my eyes and walked back into my room and I was back.  There in bed lay my husband and next to him in a crib lay our baby.  That 30 seconds of going back years in time were over.  I crawled in next to Paul and he turned to face me.

            “Olivia?” he whispered.

            “Did I wake you up?” I asked.

            “No, did yo--” he began and I felt his hand going quickly down me, “Are you wearing me clothes?”

            “Yeah,”

            “When did you do that?” I heard him yawn.

            “Before I went downstairs,”

            “Downstairs?  What for?” he asked me then kissed me on the forehead, “Love is everything alright?” Love.  That word raced round and round in my mind.  

            “Not really,” I said.

            “Not really?  What happened?” Paul asked sitting up and turning on the side light.  I smiled as he looked so cute, his hair pressed flat on one side from sleeping.  I kissed him deeply on the mouth and he pulled me to him placing his warm hands under my shirt—well his shirt,      “And what may I ask was that for?  Though I’m not complaining,”

            “Because you are the love of my life,” I smiled and he joined, kissing me once more.

            “Well, that was because you are the love of my life,” he said afterwards, “So what was bothering you darling?”

            “Uh,” I hesitated, but decided to tell him because Paul and I lived a relationship in which we told the other everything--no matter what--and I believe that that is one of the reasons we’ve survived some of the troubles we’ve had.  Honestly is the key to a healthy relationship, “Davy and Linda are here,”

            “Yeah, I heard some noise next door,” he said cocking his head in the direction of their room, “I thought they were coming at like ten,” I nodded.

            “They were but had a chance to catch an early flight, so they did, not realizing how early it would make their arrival,” Paul smiled.

“So why is that bad?” he asked.

“Well, after they got here, Linda and Annabel, their baby, went to bed but Davy wasn’t tired so he came back downstairs with me,”

            “And?” Paul asked with a face I hadn’t seen since I was 19.  I laughed.

            “What is that face for?”

            “What the hell did he do?” he asked me, his hatred for Davy leaving its 4 year hiding place.

            “Well, he didn’t do anything….”

            “Did he try?!” Paul asked getting worked up.  I shook my head strongly and kissed him.

            “Sweetheart calm down, no, he just, said some things,” I said though I knew the moment I told Paul what, he’d no longer be calm.

            “What do you mean he said some things?  Like what exactly?” Paul asked squinting his eyes.

            “Basically he just flat out told me that he missed me, I broke his heart when I left him, he’s still hurt, and he compares Linda to me all the time cuz he can’t be happy without me--simply because he still loves me and hates you because you have me and--”

            “You what?! That bastard!” Paul almost yelled.

            “Shhh Paul!” I said in a whisper.

            “I’m sorry,” he’s said lower his voice to a yelling whisper, “but that little son of a bitch has no right telling you that shit!  I’m gonna bloody kick his fookin’ ass!  Telling my wife that he bloody still loves her and that she fookin’ broke his heart---it’s his own damn fault!  And now, he knows bloody damn well that you love me and I love you and that he’s not getting you back.  Hell, he’s bloody married as are you!  What a cheating little ass hole, and—he still hates me?  What the hell for? I didn’t steal you away really, he led you right to me because again, he’s a fookin’ ass hole!  And damn happy I am for that, but still, if he thinks he-”

            “Paul, please!” I said regarding his language.  Whenever he got on a rampage the curse words flew out left and right.   

            “I’m sorry love,” he said taking a breath, “But you can’t imagine how pissed off I am right now.  What the hell is he trying to do?  Get you to come back to him?”

            “I don’t know Paul, but if he did--he may get the impression that it worked….” I said fading off.  He turned to look at me straight in the eye and I could tell he wasn’t happy with me at the moment either.

            “What?”

            “I begged him to stop telling me that stuff but he just kept going and he seems to think that if treated me better that I wouldn’t have left,” I said and Paul just kept staring.  I looked away from him as I continued, “So I told him that all that he just said to me was both painful and, well, sweet,”

            “Sweet?  You bloody thought he was being sweet?”

            “Yes—and no, just, I don’t’ know.  I was shocked and taken aback.  I couldn’t believe he was saying all of that to me because like you stated, he knows that I love you and that you love me.  It’s been over five years since my relationship to him and there’s no way he can miss how happy I am.  I’m so happy I married you and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else, and I wanted to tell him that.  I tried to tell him that I truly believe that even if our relationship had been perfect, that I still would’ve fallen in love with you and left him for you.” I finished and Paul’s look seemed to soften.

            “You really think that?” he asked.

            “Yes I do.  Paul I love you and have loved you ever since we met backstage.  Of course it wasn’t complete love, but I know that it was the start.  In just that moment, in that night, I saw that you were everything I ever dreamed I wanted in a man—the one I wanted to spend my life with.  Granted there were some things that we had to work through, but I knew then, that some day I would be with you and leave Davy, I just didn’t know when.  I knew you were the one and I’m so glad that you are.  There’s no way I can be without you,” Paul didn’t reply but instead leaned into me kissing me ever so deep.  He continued to do so and leaned me on my back resting himself on top.  He pulled away from the kiss and touched my face softly.

            “I love you so much.  You know that don’t you?” he whispered.  

            “I do, but Paul I didn’t get to tell him all that,” I said.

            “What do you mean?”

            “I started crying because I didn’t know how to react to him saying all that to me and when I realized that he really did still love me and that I still had to tell him no—it was like I was 19 again having to do that process all over and I hated it.  I hate feeling like I hurt someone so incredibly much—the way he makes me feel when he says that stuff…so like all those years ago, I got choked up and I couldn’t do it.  I just left him standing down there as I walked away, letting him think he may have altered my decision,” I said fearing Paul may be upset again.  He smiled and kissed my nose.

            “It’s alright love, I understand that that must’ve been hard for you, and well, honestly, it only makes me madder at the little bastard,” he said and I had to laugh.

            “Will you do me a favor?” I asked and Paul smiled.

            “Fine love, I won’t kill him, I’ll just hurt him,” he laughed and so did I.

            “That’s not what I was going to ask,”

            “Damn,” Paul laughed, “Really what is it?”

            “If you want to confront him about it, I don’t care.  But please, oh please, don’t fight him physically and in no way ruin Brittany and Micky’s good day.  This is their time, they don’t need Davy-Paul-Olivia drama.  That was supposed to end years ago,” 

            “It did, until he opened his fookin’ mouth,” he said then looked at me, “You’re going to actually let me talk to him?  I don’t remember you ever letting me before.  I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him, just us two,”

            “Well, maybe if you say something he’ll get the hint.  I’m not as strong as you,” I smiled squeezing his bicep and he laughed.

            “I thought you said I couldn’t be physical?”

            “You can’t, I mean emotionally stronger than me, but I just wanted to feel your arm muscles,” I laughed and so did he.

            “It’s a deal,” he said kissing me and shutting off the light at the same time.  I was able to get back to sleep and neither Paul nor I woke up till around 11am.  Today was the last day before Micky and Brittany were to be united in marriage and I hoped that until after the wedding the awkwardness between Davy and myself, as well as the hatred between Paul and Davy, would stay hidden beneath.