Jim was indeed right, and in time things did get better.  I was in the hospital for about a week and today was the day that I got to go home.  I had talked to my parents over the phone and they wanted to come down and see me, but I told them that it wasn’t necessary and that I planned to come visit them soon anyway.  Paul had been spending quite a bit of time with the guys again which was great.  They seemed to be getting along pretty well.  As far as it went with Mary, it only was a day after the incident before I could look at her again so thankfully that didn’t last long.  Paul was standing next to me holding Mary and opening the door for me into our house.

            “Does it feel good to be home?” he asked with a smile.  I nodded, eyes big.

            “Oh for sure.  I’m not the biggest fan of hospitals—they smell funny,” I said and Paul laughed.

            “I swear there’s always something wrong with everything with you,” he said and I looked at him confused once he shut the door behind us and put Mary down. She giggled and ran over to Martha who greeted us at the door.

            “Hey Martha,” I said turning back to Paul, “Now what did you mean with that last comment?”

            “Don’t take it personal love,” he laughed petting Martha as she jumped up on him Mary running in circles around him, “I just mean, you’re so picky, that it seems like there’s always something wrong with everything,”  I rolled my eyes.

            “Whatever,” I said and he laughed as we made our way to the living room.

            “You feeling alright?”

            “Oh yeah, almost perfect,” I smiled, “I’m a little sore at times, but it’s nothing too horrible.”

            “Good,” he said kissing me quick, “Say, you wanna go out tonight?’

            “Go out where?  Like a party?”

            “No, for dinner or something,”

            “You look mischievous,” I said to him, raising one of my eyebrows.  He laughed.

            “Love, you always think I’m up to something,”

            “Well, you usually are,”

            “Hey, I resent that!” he said but then laughed.

            “So, really, what’s the catch?”

            “There’s not really a catch, I just thought that we’d go out to dinner…with,”

            “With.  There it is who would be accompanying us?”

            “Just the guys.  I thought, well we thought that it would be fun to get together like old times you know?”

            “Yeah, actually, that does sound like fun,” I said smiling.

            “Great,”          

            “Would they be bringing the wives?” I asked.

            “Well, I know Ringo is bringing Maureen and the baby, George is bringing Pattie, and I’m not so sure about Yoko,” he said and I tried to study his expression.

            “You still feel the same about her?”

            “What do you mean?” he asked me.

            “Well, you know now that you and John are kinda getting to be friends again, are you accepting Yoko?”

            “I don’t know to be honest,” he said, “I saw her with him the other day and I tried, I really did, but she just annoys the bloody shit out of me,”

            “Paul!” I said and he looked startled.

            “What?!”

            “Our daughter is at that age where she’s picking up words….” I said and Paul blushed guilty.

            “Oh right,” he said turning to Mary playing with her toys on the floor in front of the couch.  He leaned down to her and kissed her on the cheek making her smile, “Don’t repeat what daddy just said, alright sweetheart?”

            “Daddy!” she shouted and Paul laughed sitting back straight on the couch.

            “See, it’s all good.”

            “You’re lucky,” I said getting up and going to the kitchen, “I’m hungry, you want a sandwich?”

            “Sure,” he replied, “You excited to see the girls again?”

            “Um, yeah,” I said pulling out the bread and meat, “It’s been such a long time—I only wish Cyn was there too, you know?”

            “Yeah, me too.  She was such a better catch than Yoko,”

            “You should probably start trying to at least pretend like you like Yoko if you and John are going to become friends again,” I said.

            “I know, I know,” Paul groaned, “It’s just so hard some times,” I emerged from the kitchen and Paul joined me at the table to eat lunch.  I took a bite and felt like I was in heaven.

            “Mmmm, real food,” I said, “I was getting so sick of hospital food,”

            “There you go complaining again,” Paul said.

            “Do you like hospital food?”

            “No,”

            “Then you can’t count that.”  We finished our lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon playing with Mary and watching a movie together.  Paul called the others and we were planning to go to one of the more classier restaurants in London.  I hadn’t dressed up in what seemed like forever so I was pretty excited.

            “So which dress do you think I should wear tonight?” I asked as Paul emerged from the bathroom already in his dark grey suit.  I smiled and walked over to him running my hands down the lapels of his suit coat, “I haven’t seen you in this for a long time,”

            “It has been a while hasn’t it?” Paul said walking over to our full length mirror and fixing his tie.  I walked slowly over to him and stood beside him looking over his shoulder.

            “Yeah, and do you want to know something?”

            “What?”

            “It’s making you look kinda sexy,” I said and Paul looked at me through the mirror, lifting his eyebrow.

            “Is that so?” he asked and I nodded.

            “It is.  I’ve always thought you looked so good in a suit,” I said closing my eyes for a second.  Paul smiled and turned around.

            “Wow, I haven’t seen you like this for a while,” he said wrapping his arms around me and drawing me against him.

            “Like what?” I asked him and he grinned wickedly.

            “So turned on by me,” he said and I had to laugh.

            “What are you talking about?  I’ve been turned on by you since before I met you,” I said and he laughed.

            “Well I suppose that’s true,” he said and I pushed him lightly.

            “Conceded much?”

            “No, not at all.  I’m just remembering what happened to you when you first saw me and the boys in concert,” he said with a smirk and I knew exactly where he was going.

            “Don’t even bring that up,” I said, “It’s not even true—you’ve just assumed it all these years,”

            “No I haven’t, you said it yourself,”

            “I did not.  I said that Davy was worried that I was going to get one from watching you, and that I’ve heard other girls have.  I never actually said that I did,”

            “Ah, that’s just a matter of direct confession.  You implied it, and that’s good enough for me,” he smiled, kissing me.  I laughed as I kissed back.

            “Fine, it’s true,” I said and he smiled with satisfaction, “But there’s another truth then you should know,”

“Yeah?  What’s that?”

“That’s the only one you’ve ever given me,” His mouth fell open as I walked away from him and over to the closet.

            “Ouch love, that was cruel,” he laughed and I shrugged.

            “You have to admit it was a good comeback though,” I said and he nodded still laughing.

            “Yes indeed it was,” then he stopped, “As long as it’s not true…”

            “Oh for heaven’s sake Paul, of course it’s not true.  You can’t fake something that good,” I smiled and so did he.

            “There that’s better,” he said sitting on the bed, “I have a reputation to hold up you know,” I turned and lifted my eyebrow.

            “And who are you up holding this reputation for?” I asked and he shook his head.

            “No one besides you, but I’d still like to be known for me skills,”

            “You’re singing and musical skills?” I asked playing dumb.  He sneered at me and I had to smile, “I love you,”

            “Yeah, well I don’t love you right now,” he pouted, “You’re being mean.”

            “Oh poor Paulie,” I said walking over to him as he nodded taking my waist in his arms, “What can I do to make you feel better?”         

            “Admit that I have skills, and then admit that you love them, and then give me a kiss—a good one,” he smiled and I rolled my eyes.

            “Are you saying I don’t always kiss good?”

            “Don’t turn this around,” he said shaking his finger at me, “You know what I mean,”

            “Fine, I admit that you, darling, have skills and I do love your skills,” I said and then stopped.

            “And?”

            “And, for real I didn’t like being reminded of your “reputation”,” I said making quotations with my fingers and pouting a little, “It just reminds me of how many girls you’ve—”

            “Never been in love with and wanted to be with for the rest of my life like I do with you,” he finished for me and I half smiled.  He leaned in and kissed me deep, “I love you Liv’,”

            “I love you too,” I said with a smile, catching the clock with a quick glance, “Oh my gosh Paul, I have to hurry and get ready!” I said and he turned back looking at the clock.

            “Not yet you don’t,” he said pulling me back towards him, falling back on the bed me on top.

            “Yes I do, or we’ll be late,” I said fighting him but laughing at the same time.  He kissed me.

            “So what?  I’m known for being at least 2 hours late remember?” he smiled and I had to laugh at the memory.

            “Well, you should want to prove that you can be on time then, shouldn’t you?”

            “No,” he said, “Don’t get up or I’ll tickle you,”

            “Paul don’t,” I said looking serious but his face was just full of mischievousness.   I began getting up and he did just as he said and I blew up with laughter, “Paul stop it!  I have to get ready!  I don’t even know what to wear! Stop!”  He was laughing too when he finally stopped.

            “Ah fine, go get ready.” I moved away from him.

            “Thank you,” I said with a smile, “Now which dress should I wear?”

            “I like the one you wore at Brittany and Micky’s wedding,” I pulled it out of the closet and slipped it on.  Paul nodded, “Oh yes, I do like that one.”

            “Then why did you take it off so quick when I wore it last time?” I asked him and he laughed to himself.

            “Because I also happen to really like what is underneath,”

            “Well thanks,” I said and he winked.

            “Anytime love,” he responded, “Now hurry up we’re going to be late!”

            “You are just in one of those moods today aren’t you?” I asked and he just smiled and shrugged.  I laughed and finished getting ready.  We put Mary in a cute little dress and headed off to the restaurant. 

            Everyone except for Ringo and Maureen were there when we arrived, but we were also 10 minutes early.  John was alone and George was indeed with Pattie.  The waiter grabbed us two highchairs and we set Mary in one and sat down ourselves.

            “Hey guys,” I said to John, George, and Pattie.

            “Oh Olivia, it’s been so long!” Pattie said smiling.

            “I know, it’s crazy right?”

            “I’m just so happy our boys, ahem, men, decided to get along once more,” I smiled at John, George, and Paul.

            “Me too,” 

            “So Yoko’s not coming?” Paul asked John.  John shook his head.

            “Nah, I didn’t even ask her.  She thinks I’m doing work stuff,” John said sipping his wine.  We all looked silently at each other. 

            “Hey everyone—Olivia!” I heard Maureen and turned around to return the greeting and the hug she gave out.  Ringo said his hello’s as well and sat down next to the others.

            “So this is weird huh?” George said with a little smile.  Everyone nodded in agreement.  It wasn’t long before the waiter came to take our orders and soon enough we were all eating and chatting. It felt like old times—laughing and talking.  A part of me wished I could go back and relive those days.  I loved being married to Paul and having a family with him, but there’s all that other stuff that I just miss—being in a band, being with my friends, hanging out with Paul and The Beatles, being young and free. 

            “What do you think Liv’?”  I shook my head and realized I wasn’t listening.  I noticed most everyone was staring at me, and I think it was John who was talking to me.

            “I’m sorry what?” I asked.

            “Were you not listening to anything?”  I blushed.

            “No, sorry, I was thinking of something,”

            “What?” Paul asked curious.  I smiled and shook my head.

            “Oh nothing really—what were you saying John?”

            “We were thinking of performing as a group again,” Paul blurted and I almost choked on my water.  I put my hand to my chest and stared at him.

            “Don’t look so excited Olivia,” George said and everyone laughed.

            “Yeah, doesn’t it sound great?  Them wanting to perform together again?” Pattie asked smiling.  I didn’t know what to think.  Yes, I wanted them to be friends again, but did I really want The Beatles again?

            “Like, perform as The Beatles?” I asked and Paul gave me a funny face.

            “No, we’re going to perform as The Monkees,” John said sarcastically.  I glared at him.

            “I mean, are you going to go out and introduce yourself as The Beatles, or just play as a low profile band?”

            “Well, we’re thinking of going somewhere out of Europe, you know, where The Beatles may not still be as famous.  Then we were thinking about playing little clubs, you know, just for starters.  We’re not thinking about touring or anything like that again.” Paul told me and I turned shocked.

            “Out of Europe?” I repeated, “I’m assuming then it wouldn’t be America either?”

            “Probably not, they’re still remembering us as much as England,” Ringo said. 

            “What is it Olivia?  You don’t seemed thrilled?” Maureen asked.  I tried to smile.

            “Um, no it’s just,” I paused, “Paul can I talk to you for a moment,” I said and Paul looked around and then nodded.          

            “Sure love,” he said and we both removed ourselves from the table and wandered to a secluded corner, “What is it love, you don’t think this is fantastic?”

            “Well, honestly?” I started, “I don’t know.”

            “What’s wrong with it?  You said you missed those days when we were friends again and all, I thought you’d love this idea,”

            “Yeah, I do miss the old days when you were friends, but I don’t necessarily miss the hectic days of  you being in The Beatles,”

            “It wouldn’t be like that again,” Paul argued.

            “How do you know Paul?” I challenged him, “Do you honestly think that other places in the world have forgotten that much about you guys?  The moment some huge fan sees you perform, it’s going to be all over that The Beatles have reunited,” Paul seemed to be getting annoyed.

            “And what would be wrong with that?  We can control what we do now; we wouldn’t let it get out of control like before,”

            “You say that now, but you don’t know that,” I argued getting frustrated.

            “And you don’t know that it won’t,” he said back and I just stood silent looking around the restaurant, “What’s the real problem Olivia?”  I turned back to Paul.

            “I just—I can’t raise Mary by myself Paul,” I said and he frowned.

            “I’m not asking you to, nor would I want you to.  I would like to have as much part in me daughter’s life as I can,”

            “Well, hypothetically, what if things start to go good for you guys again?  Even if you decide not to tour, you’ll be making appearances every once and a while besides making records, which is going to consume a lot of your time.  It’ll be pretty close to what it was like after you guys quit touring, and there was no way we could have afforded raising a child back then Paul and you know that.  Besides that, you’re leaving already?  And leaving Europe I might add—where do you plan on going and for how long?”  Paul stood staring around the room and I could tell he was getting frustrated but so was I.  How could he not be thinking clearly about this?  It’s not like back in the old days when he was sleeping with whomever he came across and could make whatever decision he wanted.  He was married with a child—he can’t do the things he used to. 

            “It wouldn’t be exactly like that—we were still in our peak then,”

            “And you don’t think that you’ll be just as popular when people realize that The Beatles are back together?  It was such a huge deal when you broke up, girls crying everywhere.  This is going to be just as huge if not more—but that’s not the only point.  I just got out of the hospital and you are planning on leaving,”

            “It won’t be for that long, and you said you were fine.  You know I would never leave you if you weren’t okay,”

            “I don’t know Paul,” I said sighing, “Where are you going to go?”

            “We were thinking like Germany again or Japan or something-it’d only be like a week or so,”

            “A week!?  I was thinking a couple of days,”

            “Come ‘ead love, by the time we fly down do our thing and come back, it’s bound to be about a week,” he argued, “I wish you weren’t being so difficult.”

            “Difficult?  You think I’m being difficult?” I asked raising my voice because I was starting to get angry, “You, Paul, are being difficult and stupid.”

            “Stupid?  What the hell does that mean?”

            “Just what I said, you’re being stupid.  You’re acting like you are bloody 22 again and you can just do whatever the heck you want, but you can’t Paul!  You have me to think about and more importantly you have Mary.  You may not want things to end up badly, but you know how you are, you love music and you get carried away.  Before long I’ll never see you and Mary won’t even know you!”

            “Now you are exaggerating,” Paul said annoyed, “And how could you honestly think that music is more important to me then you and Mary? You don’t think that if things were beginning to get out of hand that I would stop it?” I didn’t reply, “That hurts you know,”

            “Well, the other times things were getting tough you went right to drugs and/or alcohol,” I said though I wished I hadn’t.  I was angry and just spurting out whatever I could find. 

            “You know what, you are being ridiculous and I’m done talking to you about this,” Paul said angry.

            “Paul,” I said feeling bad about the last comment although still a bit upset.

            “No,” he interrupted me, “We’re done.” He said and walked away from me back to the table.  I breathed out deep and didn’t know what to do now.  I felt really awkward going back to the table and I wished now that we never came out tonight.  It’s so funny how things can change.  Before we left we were almost late from being all over each other and it seems now we’re going to go to bed mad at each other.  I went to the bathroom to refresh my thoughts and appearance before joining everyone again at the table.  Paul of course gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night until the lovely moment when we all began to leave.  It felt like the night droned on forever and ever.

            “Well, this was fun you guys,” Pattie said giving Paul and I hugs.

            “Yeah,” was all I said with a smile. 

            “Well, give us a ring tomorrow Macca,” John said and Paul nodded.

            “We’ll probably have to get together to decide the finalities of the gig,” George said and my heart dropped.  Was he doing it despite everything I had said?  

            The walk out to the car was very silent.  The wind wasn’t even blowing to create the littlest of noises—it was just pure quiet.  I looked over at Paul a few times but he was staring stone cold ahead and I knew he was mad.  The drive home was just as quiet except for the few giggles and blubbers heard from Mary in the back.  When we got home Paul went straight upstairs to our room and left me to put out food for Martha.  After a bit I went upstairs as well and put Mary to bed in her own little bedroom we had recently moved her into.  She was old enough now where waking up in the middle of the night was no longer an issue and Paul and I were allowed our privacy again at night—not that we’d need it today.  I made my way into the bedroom to change into my night gown.  I noticed Paul wasn’t anywhere in sight so after I was changed I left the room and noticed that the door to the music room was shut.  I didn’t hear anything coming through the door so I assumed he probably had his headphones on.  I turned the knob quietly and slowly to see if it was locked, and thankfully it wasn’t.  I opened it as carefully as I could and was faced to Paul’s back as he sat in a chair, guitar in hand, headphones on.  He was singing silently to himself.  I shut the door behind me and he stopped, turning around the face me.  He didn’t smile or anything, but he did take down his headphones.

            “Hey,” I said quietly.

            “Hey,” he replied.  I walked over to him and sat on the chair across the way. 

            “I don’t want to fight with you,” I told him and he just raised his eyebrows, “Look, I know you thought I was being difficult, but I just feel like you are just so excited about all this that you are forgetting that you aren’t that single, free man anymore.  You have a family now and some things you just can’t do anymore.  Before I would just come with you, but I can’t do that anymore—we have Mary to look after and she for sure can’t be coming with us to every different country you go to, nor can we constantly have Aunt Jin look after her,” I began and Paul continued to stare down at his guitar, “I’m just,” I took a deep breath, “Since the day we began dating Paul, even before then, I’ve been scared—scared to death,” I said and Paul finally looked up confused.

            “Scared of what?”

            “Everything,” I said with a little laugh, “First it was that I was scared that you were using me for sex.  Then it was that you were going to meet so many other girls when you weren’t with me and realize what a mistake you made settling down with someone like me.  Then we got married and it was the fear that you weren’t going to give your all to our relationship and marriage as I wanted because you were too busy with Beatles stuff, and the same thing with Mary,” Paul continued to look confused, but there was also a hint of sympathy, “I’m finally at that spot Paul, were I have nothing to fear anymore.  I’ve gotten everything that I ever dreamed of.  I have your love and that was enough for me, but then we had Mary too and things just got even better.  You are the best father and husband and I couldn’t hope for more.  You’ve given me everything that I’ve asked for and more,” I said beginning to tear up, “I just, I just don’t want to be afraid anymore Paul.  I don’t want you to leave me for long periods of time again.  I don’t want to end up raising Mary alone—I don’t want to become last on your list,” I said crying now.  Paul set down his guitar and kneeled on the ground.

            “Come here love,” he said and I too kneeled and leaned into him as he held me, kissing me softly yet strongly on the forehead, “I don’t understand why you were ever afraid,” he said pulling my head back so he could look at me, “I have loved you since the moment I laid my eyes on you—you know that.  I would do anything for you, and it just hurts that you doubt that,”

            “I don’t doubt it, I just,” I began, “I’ve just seen other people who thought they were going to last but then things happen and it all goes down the drain, and I don’t want that to ever happen to us.  I don’t want us to end up like John and Cynthia, or me and Davy, or you and Jane, or even George and Pattie now!” I said and Paul brought me to him again.

            “We are nothing like any of those.  I’m nothing like John, Davy, or George and you are nothing like Jane, Cynthia, or Pattie.  I’m Paul and you are Olivia.  We’re different love, and we’ve survived things that I don’t think many other couples would survive,” I looked back into his eyes, “We’ve proven that we can get through anything, and it’s only because of one thing,”

            “What?” I asked quietly.

            “Because of our love,” he said and I began wiping my tears away though they seemed to keep falling slowly, “I wish you would have told me you were scared all those times, I would have shown you even more that you had no reason to be,”

            “I knew I didn’t,” I said, “That’s the thing.  I’m finally at that point where I know it’s all just stupid thinking, but if you start leaving again I’m afraid the thoughts will come back and I’ll be in fear again, and I just don’t want that.  I’m just so happy right now, I don’t want anything to come between us.”

            “No body will ever come between us,” Paul said kissing me slowly and lovingly.  I breathed deep, “You are number one on my list.  You always have been and you always will be.  I’ve told you before, you’re a part of me now love—without you, I’d be just a big pile of boring shit.”  I had to laugh with the picture.

            “Well you’d be a handsome, boring, piece of shit,” I said and he laughed. 

            “Look, if you really feel this strongly about this, I won’t do it.  You just need to be honest with me,” he said.  My mind was racing telling me to say ‘stay, don’t go’ but my heart knew he wanted this.  My heart knew he loved me.  My heart knew everything was going to be okay.

            “No, I think you should do this,” I said and he looked closely at me.

            “Are you sure?  Because if you don’t want me to—”

            “My mind doesn’t want you to, but my heart knows everything will be okay.  I know you want this and I want you to be happy,” Paul laughed lightly.

            “Love, I’m more than happy without doing it,”

            “You know what I mean,” I said and he smiled, “Just hurry up and leave so you can get back sooner,”

            “You got it love,” Paul said hugging me close.