Paul and I both woke up quiet the next morning.  It was the first of August, and a rotten start to it I thought.  I got up to get Mary for breakfast and Paul just sat propped up against his pillow staring at the floor.  I took my seat next to him once again and fed Mary in silence.  I wanted so much to say something to him but for a first, I was at loss for words—I didn’t know how to consulate him.  My mind raced with things to say but all of them seemed inappropriate or just plain stupid.  I decided to just ask the first thing I had thought of.

            “I take it you are still working today?” I asked him hoping he wouldn’t be bothered by the question.  In fact he didn’t seem to hear me at all.  I didn’t speak again until Mary was finished, then I got up to go put her in her crib once more and she cooed.   I smiled and walked back over to Paul who continued to stare.  This time, I went to his side of the bed and sat down on the edge next to him.  He looked up at me as if noticing me for the first time.  He smiled.  Without a word he leaned forward and kissed me,

“Good morning love,” I smiled sadly,

“Paul, sweetheart, are you going to be okay?” I asked and he knew what I was talking about.  He smiled gently.

            “Yeah, it’s not a surprise to me really, you know.  I knew it was bound to happen sometime…I just didn’t know when,” he laughed a little to himself, “I was mostly just thinking, anyway,” he looked up and smiled.  Glad I was making conversation with him, I continued.

            “What were you thinking about?” I asked and he smiled again.

            “Making a record,”

            “Making a record?  With who?”

            “You,” he said.  He stared into my eyes as if searching for my reaction in case my body showed different.  I was surprised, but mostly confused.

            “You want to make a record with me?”  I asked and he nodded.

            “Wouldn’t it be gear?  I mean, Ringo’s off making films, George is off producing records and making his own, hell, even John and Yoko are making records of their own.  Besides, you know I’ve always wanted us to sing together anyway.  This way it’ll get me mind off the bloody band and when, as the reporters put it, ‘the bubble finally bursts’, we’ll have something to fall back on,” I sat and thought for a moment, “Love, what do you think?”

            “Um, I’m not sure,” I said and Paul scooted up closer to me.

            “What aren’t you sure about?  I mean, you know how to sing--bloody good in fact--you can play instruments, you write fantastic songs….”

            “I suppose, but—I don’t know Paul.  Where would we record?  At Abbey Road—wouldn’t that be weird?”  I asked and Paul thought a moment obviously not thinking about that.  His eyes brightened with an idea.

            “We’ll do it here,”

            “Here?  What do you mean here?”

            “Here!  At home!  I’ve already got plenty of recording equipment; I just need to buy a few more things which isn’t a problem, you know.  We can build it in the basement.  That way we can record whenever we want and not have to drive all the way down St. John’s Wood to do it,” I thought about it and he was making a lot of good points, “Also, this way we can spend more time with Mary and not have to send her to Aunt Jin’s every time we go to the studio,”

            “That’s true,”

            “Yeah, so what do you think?  Do you want to do it?”  He asked eagerly.  I sat in thought one last time, “I’ve already written a few things for it, so we could get started right away,” he said and just looked at me with pleading eyes, “Please love, I know you don’t think you’re a great singer or anything and that you may be a bit rusty, but I happen to think you are one of the best female vocalists that I’ve ever heard—and I’m not just saying that because you’re me wife,” I knew he wasn’t lying because he told me enough times, “Besides, like I already said, you know how much I want us to sing together….I’ve wanted it ever since we hooked up,”

            “Alright,” I said.

            “Alright?” he asked his eyes sparkling.

            “Yeah, let’s do it.  It’ll be fun,” I said smiling and a part of me really thought it would be despite my low self-esteem.  Paul brought me to him in an embrace.

            “Thank you love, you aren’t going to regret this.  We’re going to make a hell of an album!” I smiled and we just sat, me in Paul’s arms and mine around his waist, for a bit before finally getting up to get ready for the day.  Paul indeed did have to work and I stayed home doing the usual—reading, watching TV, playing with Mary and Martha.  Each day Paul would come home a bit more distraught than the previous day, but for the most part he’d leave it at the door.  The nights usually consisted of Paul taking Mary in his arms and playing with her quietly, talking to me about normal things—the studio sessions barely came up.  After Mary would fall asleep, Paul would take me in his arms and tell me how glad he was that I was still with him after all these years and we would quietly make our way to bed.  This went on, quite repetitively for the whole month of August and a bit into September—with an occasional interview for Paul in which he’d be out of town for the day instead of down the street.  Surprisingly, the whole ‘us making an album’ bit seemed to vanish into thin air.  It wasn’t until a rather nice autumn day in September that Paul finally spoke of it again.

            “Do you want to come out with me and get some equipment for the studio?” Paul asked as I placed our cleaned breakfast plates in the cupboard.

            “Really?” I asked him.  He turned from his position on the couch to look at me.

            “Yeah, really, why?”

            “Well, it’s just been over a month since we decided to do this; I kinda figured you were done with the idea,” I said picking Mary up.  I made a face and Paul laughed.

            “Yeah, I could smell her way over here,” I smiled and looked at him.

            “So you just decided to sit there and wait till I smelled it?  Figuring I would change her?” Paul giggled to himself, “How generous of you,”

            “Ah come ‘ead love, she’s all stinky, I didn’t want to do it,” I walked over to him, Mary in my arms smiling big.  Paul plugged his nose as I neared him, “With that smile on her face, I’d say she’s enjoying the ruckus she’s causing,” I laughed.

            “Probably,” I smiled, “She’s a bit like her dad,” I said and Paul squinted his eyes with a smile, “And no more of this ‘she’s stinky’ stuff--you’ve changed her millions of times before, one more time won’t kill you,” I said and Paul laughed removing his fingers from his nose.

            “Oh I know,” he said standing up and kissing me, “I was only giving you grief, thinking maybe, just maybe, you’d fall for it and I’d get out of it,” he finished winking at me. 

            “Nice try McCartney, but that doesn’t work on me,” I said as he laughed and took Mary from my arms.

            “Ah, mummy’s not being very nice to daddy,” Paul said to Mary, who smiled and laughed at the sound of Paul’s voice.  He looked at me sadly; his face pressed to the side of Mary’s, her fingers gently tugging on his long strands of hair.  He winced and tried to hide his smile, “She always sends you to me when you smell the worst,” I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

            “Don’t blame me, she’s yours too you know.  Besides, you’ve always wanted kids, so you can’t complain—this comes with the territory,” He laughed and looked at Mary talking to her and me at the same time.

            “Yeah, but I didn’t want a stinky one!” he said and Mary laughed as if she knew it was her he spoke of.  I rolled my eyes and went back into the kitchen while Paul changed Mary.

            “So, you want to come with me then?” he called from the living room.

            “Sure, do you think I should bring Mary along or give Aunt Jin a call?” I asked in return.

            “Let’s bring her along, she’s in a happy mood today, I don’t think she’ll make any scenes,” he finished entering the kitchen Mary in his arms, “There, I’m all clean and fresh mummy,” he said for Mary.  I walked over to her and gave her a kiss,

            “Daddy did a good job,” I said and kissed Paul.  He smiled.

            “You ready to go now?” he asked and I nodded.

            “Just let me get a jacket,”

            “Sounds fab,” I grabbed a jacket and Paul and I left the house, Paul still holding onto Mary.  We decided to walk into town because the weather wasn’t going to be nice much longer, and we wanted to take advantage of it.  The whole way Paul talked to Mary pointing out trees, birds, and cars.  Every time I saw the two of them together like that, my heart melted.  I was truly the luckiest woman in the world.  To have such an incredible husband who is also my best friend, an incredible father of our wonderful healthy baby girl, and of whom is also a man who loves his family more than anything in the world.  

            “You know what I’m thinking right now?” I asked Paul and he looked over at me.

            “What’s that?”

            “How lucky I am to have you,” I said wrapping my arm around his.  He smiled and kissed my head, shifting Mary to his one arm.

            “I can’t help but think that every time I see you,” he replied.  I smiled and we continued to walk until finally we were in the heart of downtown London.  People were friendly saying hello and good day to us, but nobody seemed to recognize us to the point of stopping and staring.  We didn’t take Mary out with us often just in case we had to make a dash for it, but those days seemed to be more in the past then present.  Paul made his way into a music shop and I followed him in.  I honestly had no idea what he was looking for nor knew much about this sort of stuff, so for the most part I just watched and followed him around.

            “Good morning Mr. McCartney,” an older friendly voice said.  I looked behind us to see the old store owner walking our way.  I smiled, “See you’ve brought the Mrs. along,”

            “Yeah, and the little one,” Paul smiled turning around with Mary.  The gentleman smiled and walked over to Paul.

            “Oh isn’t she beautiful,” he said.  Paul nodded.

            “Takes after her mum,” he winked at me.  The old gentlemen turned around and smiled at me.

            “How are you today Mrs. McCartney?”

            “Fine thank you, yourself?”

            “Wonderful, wonderful,” he replied with a heart warming smile.  He turned back to Paul, “What are we looking for today?”

            “Not quite sure actually,” Paul laughed, “Here love, will you take Mary?”

            “Sure,” I said taking her from Paul.  I bounced her up and down on my hip and she smiled.

            “We’re building a recording studio in the basement,” Paul told the old man.

            “In the basement aye?  Cavendish Ave?”

            “Yeah, that’s right,” Paul replied.  Bored with the conversation already I turned and tapped Paul lightly.  He turned to me.

            “I’m going to go stand outside with Mary; I think she likes the fresh air,”

            “Sounds good love, I’ll be out in a bit,” he smiled.  I nodded and Mary and I left the room.  There so happened to be a bench right out front so I sat down, Mary on my lap.  It was such a gorgeous day and I didn’t want it to end.  Once it got chilly in London, it was chilly until the winter was over.  The sun seemed to hide and never come out during that time, giving us not even a hope of nicer weather.  I was surprised it wasn’t raining.

            “Well, well, if it isn’t Paul’s Mrs. and the baby,” I looked up surprised and saw John standing in front of me.  I smiled.

            “Hey, John,” He smiled and sat down next to me.

            “What are you doing here luv?” he asked smiling at Mary.  She smiled in return and grabbed a hold of his pointer finger.  He laughed as did she.

            “Well, guess you’re going to be sitting here for a bit,” I laughed and he smiled.

            “I don’t mind,” he said, “So, what are you doing here?  Paul around?”

            “Yeah, he’s in the shop,” I answered cocking my head back towards the store.  He nodded.

            “In the shop aye?  What’s he getting?”

            “Honestly, I have no idea,” I laughed, “Something for a recording studio,” John eyed me closely.

            “A recording studio? What’s he up to?”

            “He wants to start working on a solo record,” I said carefully. 

            “Oh yeah?” John said nodding, “You know I haven’t really seen her come to think of it,”

            “Who?” I asked looking around.  John laughed.

            “Same old blonde Olivia,” he shook his head.

            “What are you on about?” I asked smiling.

            “I’m talking about Mary,” he laughed and I laughed at my stupidity.

            “Oh, yeah,”

            “The last time I was close to her, was when she was in your stomach,” John said and I smiled sadly.

            “Well, you could’ve came over to see her if you wanted you know,” I said and he shrugged softly, “I would’ve invited you, but, seeing as I didn’t think you cared for me I--”

            “Didn’t care for you?  What kind of rubbish are you talking?” John asked slightly angry. 

            “Rubbish?  I don’t think so John, I remember the things you’ve said to me and the names you’ve called me,” I said staring at him.  His face fell.

            “Oh come ‘ead luv, you know I didn’t mean it,” John said still holding Mary’s hand.

            “No I didn’t John,” I said, “That really hurt you know,”

            “Well, I’m sorry, I really am,” he said touching my hand now.  He stared down at the bench, “I guess I know that you are one of the few people who really know me, and I hate when I know that you are disappointed, you know?” he looked up at me and I was completely taken aback by his attitude.

            “John, Paul knows you way better than I do,” I said laughing a little.  He smiled.

            “I know he does, but he’s different,”

            “How?”

            “Because he’s the one that I’m getting in fights with, and if he’s disappointed I know he’ll get over it, but you—I don’t know.  For some reason it’s just different,” he said, “Any road, luv, I’m sorry.  I don’t mean all that stuff I say—I’m just angry at Paul, at me self mostly, just disregard it.  Alright?”

            “Alright…” I said slowly still confused.

            “John?” I turned and John’s hand quickly retracted from mine.

            “Hey Macca,” John said.  Paul looked between the two of us and I could tell by his expression he was at a loss for what was going on—and I would bet by his face, he wasn’t too happy.

            “What’s going on here?” he asked standing above me looking down at my hand.

            “I was walking downtown and ran into Olivia here,” John said casually, “Thought I’d say hello,” Paul nodded suspiciously.  Ever since the whole run in with John a few years ago, he’s always cautious when the two of us are alone—not that he needed to be though.  He knew darn well I would never do anything like that again because I wasn’t normal before, and we all knew how in love John was with Yoko.  But Paul didn’t care; he still thought it was a possibility—more from John than me, “I hear you are going to do a record?” John asked.

            “Yeah that’s right,” Paul said, “Olivia and me,” John raised his eyebrows.

            “Now you didn’t tell me it was both of you.  You said Paul,” John said and I smiled.

            “Well, it was Paul’s idea,”

            “That’ll be interesting—I’m surprised you too haven’t done something like this earlier, you know, with you being a singer too and all,” Paul smiled and raised his eyebrows at me.

            “Well, I’ve been wanting to—but she kept refusing saying she’d be no good,” he said shoving me a bit.  I laughed.

            “No good?” John laughed, “That’s a bunch of rubbish Liv.  Do you know how many songs we have written that have copied your guys’ style?”

            “Oh yeah?”

            “What are you on about?  Oh yeah?  I’ve told you that a million and one times,” Paul said laughing.  I had to laugh.

            “I suppose,”

            “You’ve got a crazy bird here Paul,” John said rustling my hair.  Paul laughed.

            “Tell me about it,”

            “Hey you guys knock it off,” I said trying to fix my hair, one arm around Mary bouncing and laughing to herself.   Again, I think this is one of the best days in a long time—I actually felt like it was back in old times.  John and Paul laughing together, and as much as it pains me, making of me like they always did. 

“What are you doing out this way Lennon?” Paul asked after calming down from laughing.  John looked around.

“Ah, I just had to get out of the house for a bit, needed some fresh air,” he said, “I’m glad I ran into you two though,”

“Same here,” Paul said and I nodded in agreement.  Mary squealed suddenly with delight and we all laughed.

“I was telling Olivia here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mary,” John said and Paul nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t think so either,”

“Well, she adorable,” John said, “Yoko is pregnant again,”

“Really?” Paul asked.

            “Congrats John,” I said smiling.  John half smiled.

            “Thanks, but I don’t think things are going so well,” Paul scooted me over and sat down on the bench.  He stuck his finger out for Mary to grab a hold of a play with.

            “What do you mean?” he asked actually concerned.

            “The doctors are saying she’s having complications again—she may have another miscarriage,” John said sadly, “I don’t understand,”

            “I’m sorry to hear that John, but you never know, things could get better,” Paul said sincerely.  I felt truly bad, knowing first hand what it felt like to have a miscarriage.  I’m just happy I didn’t have two—I don’t know if I’d be able to deal with that.

            “Yeah, maybe,”

            “Where is Yoko by the way?” Paul asked.

            “She’s taking Kyoko into the doctor for a check up,” he looked down at his watch, “I should probably get back, they’ll be home soon.”

            “Well, it was good seeing you again John,” I said smiling.

            “Same here,” Paul said and he and John just had a moment where they just looked at each other as if they wanted to apologize for everything that had happened.  To my dismay, they didn’t.

            “Yeah, like I said, I’m glad I ran into you two.  Maybe we can do this again sometime,” John smiled the smile I felt he hadn’t done in years.  Paul and I nodded.

            “Sounds good Lennon,” Paul said smiling.

            “Well Macca, I’ll see you in the studio and because I never said it before, congrats with Mary.  She’s a right adorable one she is,” John said shaking Mary’s little hand.  She gurgled and smiled.

            “Thanks man,” Paul said, “See you in a few days,”

            “Right, have a good one guys,” John said walking away, “Good luck on the album!” he called disappearing to the crowd.  Paul and I just sat still on the bench.

            “Well that was weird,” I said.  Paul nodded.

            “You’re telling me.  I don’t think John and I have been civil since—since, hell I don’t even know!”

            “I miss it,” I said sadly.  Paul leaned me to him and kissed my head.

            “I know you do love, and I do too,” he said.

            “Paul?  Paul McCartney?” I looked at Paul and he looked confused.

            “Who now?” he whispered and turned his head around.  I looked around him and saw a girl standing there with a big smile. 

            “It is you!” She said and walked over to us.  She looked at me oddly and then back to Paul.  He smiled and I almost laughed because I could tell he had no idea who she was.

            “Yeah,” he laughed, “It’s me….”  She finally noticed his blank face and she frowned.

            “You don’t remember me do you?” she asked.  He frowned and shook his head.

            “No, I’m sorry luv, I don’t,” She seemed disappointed but she composed herself.

            “It’s me, Abby—Abby Mendkin,” I watched Paul’s face as he thought and suddenly his eyebrows went up and he looked at me as if he was thinking ‘oh crap’. She smiled big, “You remember me!”  He laughed nervously.

            “Yeah, I remember you Abby,” Paul said.  She seemed to ignore me and continue talking as if I wasn’t there. I was completely lost at who this girl was, “How are you Abby?”

            “Alright I guess,” she said then frowned, “You know, I always thought you were going to come back—or at least call me,” Paul let out a nervous breath.

            “I’m sorry Abby I--”

            “That was the best way to start 1965…I was so in to you, and I thought you were in to me too,” I sat listening eyebrow raised and Paul side glanced at me guilt and fear all over his face,

            “Abby--”

            “No Paul!” she said loudly and suddenly, “We had something for over a week!  I—I--” she softened her voice, “I slept with you!  And you kept telling me how much you liked me!  And I liked you!”  Now I was annoyed.  This girl was talking about her affair with Paul right in front of me.  Granted it happened before we met—my mind froze.  I rewound the conversation in my head ‘That was the best way to start 1965… We had something for over a week!’ 1965…1965…That was the New Year I had spent with The Beatles--the new year in which Paul had brought another girl, not Abby mind you, to our get together so he wouldn’t be alone.  I laughed to myself inside remembering my reaction to it…

“She looks nice.” I said, as casually as I could.

            “Yeah, she is.” he replied.

            “What’s her name?” I asked.

            “Megan.”

            “Are you a couple?” I asked pulling back and looking at him sadly.  He looked at me for a second and then looked somewhere behind me. 

            “I don‘t know,” he said looking back at me. 

            “Well she’s really pretty, and seems really nice.” I said again.  He just nodded, “how long have you known her?” I asked.

            “Not very long.” 

            “So are you guys just dating then?” I asked still wondering what was going on with the two of them.

            “No, not really.  This is actually only the second time we’ve hung out.  I’ve seen her at a few press conferences, and talked to her there, but other than that I haven’t really hung out with her.”

            “So she’s a reporter?” I asked shocked.

            “No, not quite.  It’s hard to explain.” he said looking at me.  I was still hurt so I looked down to the floor trying to avoid eye contact with him.  He pulled my chin up with his hand, “Olivia, you don’t need to worry.” he said softly smiling.  I could barely hear him over the music and people.

            “What do you mean?” I asked.

            “Well, you seem a bit hurt.  And I just want you to know that you have nothing to worry about.  I still care for you the same, if not more because I’m missing you.”

            “Then who is she?” I asked confused.

            “No one really.  Lately, part of me is saying ‘if Olivia’s gonna stay with her old boyfriend, then I’m gonna get me someone too.’, because I still don’t understand.  That’s why I don’t really know what’s going on with her, because all that is, is the jealousy talking and I don‘t want to give into it.” he explained. 

            “Really?” I asked.  He smiled.

            “Really.  Chances are, better than none, that after this I’m not going to see her again.  I just didn’t want to be alone on New Years.”

            “So are you going to sleep with her?” I asked suddenly confused and upset.  He laughed and shook his head.

            “Of course not!  Now why would I do that?” he asked me.  My comment suddenly sounded stupid.  I smiled.

            “I suppose that was a dumb thing to think.” I said.

            “Yeah it was.  I just meant at the party.  You’ll be with….Davy, and everybody else in your big group seems to have someone.  And in mine, well, they’ll just go find a girl.”

            “But I bet they’re going to sleep with them.” I pointed out.  He nodded.

            “Probably--but not me.  That’s the difference.  Like I said, she’s not spending the night, I just want someone to hang around and dance with.  I can’t dance with you all night.” he said smiling.  I laughed.

That night Paul criticized me for thinking he would sleep with another girl and now it turns out he slept with another one for over a week after that night.  Despite it being in the past, I was furious.

“I’m really sorry, I am Abby,” I heard Paul saying again.

“So it’s true then?” she asked and I noticed during my revolution, she had started crying.

“What?” Paul asked sad, nervous, and guilty at the same time.

“You really did just use girls to sleep with them,” she blurted and I raised my eyebrows.  Normally I would’ve said something by now, but I wanted Paul to go through this.  He was always convinced that the girls were using him too and it was no big deal.  But it seems things were finally catching up to him and proving him wrong.

“No, I didn’t, I--” Paul froze not knowing what to say. 

“Then why did you sleep with me, tell me how much you liked me, say you’d call after you left, and then I don’t hear from you till now!?  And when I see you, you didn’t even remember me!?” she asked more angry now.  Paul swallowed and looked over at me as if asking me to rescue him.  With the raising of my eyebrows he knew I was pissed too and knew the sooner he got done with this conversation he wouldn’t be free, but would only have to deal with me.  He turned back to her.

“Abby, again, I’m sorry, and well,” he winced, “I really liked you, I did—but, yes, in a way I was,” Paul paused, “using you,”

“I knew it!” she shouted her eyes flaming.

“But not in the way you think,” Paul quickly shot back.

“What do you mean?” she asked squinting her eyes at him.

“I wasn’t using you for sex,” he said and she continued to stare at him, “In case you haven’t been reading up on me--”

“After that incident I could’ve cared less about you,” she snapped. 

“Well, this woman right here, is my wife and this is our baby girl,” Paul said and she looked over at us. 

“The poor girl!  You were cheating on her with me!  You are a right fowl git!” she shouted and Paul kept shaking his head.

“No!  No!  I wasn’t cheating on her, we weren’t officially together then,” Paul sighed, “Look, it’s complicated, but things between me and her couldn’t quite start yet and it was driving me crazy—seeing her with someone who wasn’t me.  I wanted her so bad and couldn’t stop thinking about her no matter what I did,” he said and my anger softened a bit as well as Abby’s face, “Hanging around with me mates wasn’t working because I’d just see them off with girls of their own, girlfriends and not, and it just killed me because I didn’t have her with me.  So, I figured the only way to stop thinking about her was to spend time with other girls,” he said and stopped to get a reaction.

“And I was your victim?” she asked eyebrows raised.  Paul shook his head.

“Wow, this is going to be awkward,” he said breathing out.

“It’s going to be?  You don’t think it is already?” I finally blurted.  He looked over at me sadly and mouthed he was sorry.

“I didn’t chose you as a victim.  We ran into each other at that party and talked, and I really liked you.  I thought you were fab,” he said and she smiled slightly, “But honestly—I had no intention of sleeping with you.  Ever since I met Olivia, I hadn’t wanted to sleep with anyone but her, but…” he said and I knew what was coming and my heart stung with pain.  Abby knew what it was too and, well, she seemed happy about it—who wouldn’t?  Paul looked at me with incredibly sad eyes.

“But you wanted to sleep with me?” Abby finally asked the dreaded question.  Paul swallowed and nodded, looking back at her.

“Yes.  You were the first girl I had wanted to do that with since meeting Olivia, and as we weren’t together, I figured I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.  And it was nice for that week and a half, but—then she called and I couldn’t contain myself after hearing her voice.  I felt shitty, guilty, mad at me self and I missed her more than words could say, and well, I’m sorry Abby, but I regretted doing it.  I wish I hadn’t.  I figured the only way to avoid telling you the truth was to just ignore you and don’t call you anymore.  My chances with Olivia were growing and I didn’t want to fuck it up anymore than I already had,” Abby seemed crushed again.  My heart was already sunk as low as it could go and I didn’t want to sit and listen anymore.  Mary had fallen asleep by now and I stood up.

“I’m going home,” I said turning around and walking away.  I was walking a few minutes before Paul caught up with me.

“Sweetheart stop, please,” he said and I kept walking.

“Do you think that I wanted to continue sleeping with Davy?” I asked glaring at him through tears, “Gosh Paul!  You make it sound like I just wanted to have you on the side and Davy too!  I didn’t want to be with Davy!  You know how confused I was back then!  I cried myself to sleep almost every night because I didn’t know what I was doing, or what I should do!  I didn’t want to hurt like that anymore, and I sure as heck didn’t want to hurt you or Davy anymore!  Don’t you think I knew what I was doing to everybody?!  I already told you that I had to think of you in order to sleep with him because I was only doing it for him!  I didn’t want it!”

“I know that love, I do. I--” Paul started.

“Then why do you keep making me feel like crap!?  Ugh, I feel like I’m 19 again!  Whenever I used to think that you were fooling around with girls on the side of whatever was going on with us, you used to make me feel so bad for thinking such things!  And after all this time, of hating myself for doubting you and not trusting you, it turns out I was right!”  By this time I was yelling through angry and sad tears and Mary had woken up.  Apparently seeing her mom cry, she started crying.  I tried to calm her down though it was hard when I wasn’t calm.  People were looking at us as they passed, but soon we were out of the crowded area and it was pretty much just us.

“Love I’m so so sorry, I don’t know what else to say!” Paul said exasperated, “Honestly, I feel horrible about that, every time it pops in me mind I’ve hated me self for it!  Even back then I felt shitty for doing it and we weren’t even together really—that must show how much I cared for you! I’m sorry; I never wanted you to know.  It was just a big mistake on my part,” I just looked at him, “And I know you were confused, and I’m not blaming you.  Really.  I think you did what you thought was right, but you can’t just judge my actions then by what they appeared to be.  You need to realize and see the way I was love!  I was bloody out of me mind! Here I was going behind me best friends back trying to get you—I was willing to lose a friendship for you—and if I lost that, I could’ve lost me band,” I seemed to calm down a bit because he had a point.  I might have been confused, but because I was so overwhelmed with the feeling it never occurred to me that Paul was possibly in pain too.  I guess in my mind it felt like I was the only one having problems—I figured Paul was used to stuff like this.  But Paul was right, he had it tough too.  He was going behind one of his best friends for me—that’s got to say something—I’m sure he didn’t do that often.  Paul looked at me sadly and stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk, “You must realize this love—I was going mad.  I couldn’t bloody get you off me mind, no matter what I did—and I had never felt that way before.  You see Olivia, I always thought I knew what love was—you know, I wrote it in all me songs.  Love is this and this—but I never really knew.  I was judging by what people say, movies, and what I imagined it to be—things like that.  But then when I met you—I really found out what it is and it’s so much more than what I had thought.  Like that inscription I put on that picture frame,”

“To know what love is, is not enough—but to feel love is the greatest gift in the world,” I finished for him.  He smiled and nodded,

“Exactly.  I didn’t know what love was, but I thought I did and now I know it wasn’t enough.  But actually being in love, especially in love with you, and to feel loved in return and have somebody who cares for you so…” he shook his head softly, “is incredible and overwhelming.   Being as it was such a new realization for me, I didn’t know how to react to it.  I’m really not one to take a girl away from someone else, but I found me self doing it—and to not just anyone but me best friend.  I didn’t know what was coming over me and it scared me because I usually know how do deal with things I’m not sure of—but this time I didn’t.  I’m sorry I slept with her love, I was just so scared and I wanted to stop feeling like that,”

“You wanted to stop feeling in love?” I asked confused by his last comment. He smiled.

“Oh no!  Of course not, I didn’t realize I was in love with you till after the fact—and then I loved it.  After that, I just of course, needed to know if you felt the same way,” he laughed quietly.  By this time, I was calm and not mad at Paul at all.

“Well, that answer is obvious,” I smiled. He pulled me and Mary into his arms and I cried tears of exhaustion.

“Yes it is, and I hope you really know how much I love you,” he said pulling me back and looking into my eyes.  Mary just stared at both of us obviously not understanding a thing.

“I do, I just—I was confused at why you would do that, and well,” I paused.

“And what?”

“I guess I’m a little disappointed and sad that you found the only other girl who made you want to sleep with her.  For all I know, you could’ve been with her instead of me,” Paul laughed and shook his head.

“No, no, I couldn’t.  I didn’t really want her, especially in the way I wanted you—she was just a substitute and I think, well, I don’t quite remember, but I think the reason I wanted to sleep with her was because the feeling with you was growing so strong and just hanging out with birds wasn’t doing a damn thing.  She was the nicest one I met—not wanting just sex from me, after all, birds did use me quite a bit too you know.  It wasn’t just me,”

“I know that,” I said honestly.

“So I guess I figured of any she’d be the one to do it with.  She wouldn’t go blabbing about sleeping with a Beatle,” I winced, “I know you don’t like hearing that love, and I frankly don’t like talking about it.  I don’t really like the way I was with out you, but, Liv darling, it’s always been you.  Even before I met you, you were in me dreams—it always has and always will be you,”

“I love you,” I said as Paul took me in his arms again. Mary seemed to cheer up a bit cuz she giggled as she was squished (well not really squished but you get it) in between Paul and I.  We laughed as we pulled apart.

“Cor I love both of you so much,” Paul said smiling; “The only thing I would wish more of would be…” he laughed.

“What?”

“More little McCartney’s,” I laughed.

“Is that so?” I asked and he nodded as we began walking again, Paul’s arm around me.

“It is my love, I can’t help it.  I want a lot of children with you,” he looked down at me, “What do you think?”

“I’d say more kids are definitely a possibility, but can I make a couple of requests?”

“Sure,”

“I want at least one boy, so we can name him James after you,” Paul smiled.

“I’ll tell Pum to tell his little buddies in him about that request,” he said and I laughed (in case I haven’t mentioned in the past, someway or other Pum became the name of Paul’s member.  It’s somewhat an in joke with Paul and me.  No one else knows about it).

“You geek,” I laughed.

“Well?” he giggled, “I’m sorry but, me, personally, can’t do anything about that request, but Pum and his little buddies can.  They help determine the sex you know, and he let’s them in,”

“Do they?” I asked in fake amazement.  He laughed.

“Oh no.  Please don’t tell me you don’t know how Mary got here…” Paul kidded.  I smiled and looked at him dumbfounded.  He laughed, “Any how, what’s the other request?”

“Huh?”

“You said requests, plural, what’s the other one?”

“Oh, that we wait till Mary’s a bit older.  I’m not so sure I want a one year old and a new born,” Paul laughed.

“It’s a deal love,” I laughed.

“Hey, didn’t you buy anything today?” I asked him noticing he wasn’t carrying anything.

“Yeah I did, a few things actually—but they are fairly big, so they’re gonna deliver them tomorrow sometime,” I nodded, “I have a question for you too,”

“Okay,”

“What was going on with John earlier?”

“What do you mean?  Why he was being so nice?” I laughed to myself and Paul laughed.

“Well, yes, but I don’t suppose you’d know that,”

“True,”

“No, when I came out of the shop, he was holding your hand.  What was that all about?”  I forgot all about that and looked up at Paul who was obviously coming up with his own little conclusions, “He wasn’t hitting on you again was he?”

“Hitting on me?  Has he ever?” I laughed as we walked up to our door.  Paul raised an eyebrow.

“Are you serious?  He’s been hitting on you ever since we bloody met you,”

“Oh Paul, you need to come off that,” I shook my head walking in.  Mary was getting really heavy so I gave myself a break and put her in her playpen.

“Come of it?  Oh love, don’t tell me I’ve never told you any of the things he used to say?  He fancied you he did,” Paul said grabbing a beer from the fridge.  He took a seat next to me on the couch.  I laughed with utter doubt, “No I’m serious!  We all fancied you, right from the start.  And we all knew it too; you put us in a competition you know,”

“What!?  Paul what are you talking about?” I laughed.

“We all liked you darling, so naturally we all wanted you—for different reasons of course.  I can’t say for the others what their reasons were, though I could bet about at least one other,”

“You think John wanted to sleep with me?”

“We all did,” Paul laughed, “Then we got to know you, and thought ‘hell she’d be more than just sex’, so it became competition.  Who’s gonna get her and all that,”

“I can’t believe that,”

“Well believe it Olivia,” Paul said sipping his beer, “Because it’s 100% true.  Ringo soon got over it and fell for Maureen--and George, well we know what happened there, but John and I,” he shook his head, “We stayed in the game, even after that.  But I think John saw that I fancied you in more of a relational sort rather than for mere pleasure, though it was that too,”  he winked, “So he backed off, but I think he’s always had a thing for you,”

“You are being serious aren’t you?”

“Dead serious.  Why do you think I hate it when he’s around you?  Even now--I know we’re married and all and he’s bloody into Yoko, but I still think he fancies you. Deep down.  That’s why he got so mad that one time, saying he didn’t want you judging him and shit,” he finished biting on his nail.  I was beginning to believe him.

“Well, that would make sense, especially after today,” I said.  Paul whipped his head up from looking down at his fingernails.

“What do you mean?  What did he say?”

“Well, nothing like that.  He just said he was sorry for all the stuff he’s been saying to me lately—he says he doesn’t mean it,” Paul raised an eyebrow.

“Why the hell does he do it then?  It only hurts you and pisses the living hell out of me,”

“I think he partly says it because it pisses the living hell out of you. But he told me that he thinks I’m one of the only people who really know him and he hates when I’m disappointed in him.  He says you know him better than me, but you’ll let him know if he’s pissing you off—but he doesn’t like knowing I’m disappointed and not saying anything about it.  He says it makes him mad at himself when he knows I feel that way with him,”

“Are you pullin’ me hook?  He really said that to you?” Paul asked and I sensed of hint of anger.

“Don’t get all worked up Paul. We all know he’s not going to come after me; he’s too much in love with Yoko.  And if he has a thing for me, who cares.  I’m not going to go for him and well, in the end it had him apologizing to me,”

“I suppose you’re right,” Paul said taking a drink, “But I’ll just have to keep a closer eye on him,”

“Well you do that, but in the meantime…” I said and moved over to Paul removing the beer can from his hand.

“What are you--” he started and stopped when I was seated on his lap.  He lifted that eyebrow of his and grinned largely. I smiled, “Well hello there,” he said quietly.  I ran my fingers down his chest unbuttoning each button as I went and Paul’s breath quickened.

“You know what I’m thinking?”  I asked him.  He laughed.

“I can guess, and if I’m right, then I’m thinking the exact same thing,” he said pulling me closer to him and kissing me deep.  He pulled away after a few minutes, “Stay here,” he said pushing me off carefully.

“What are you doing?” I asked as he walked over to Mary’s crib.  He picked her up gently and made his way upstairs.  I just sat where he told me to stay and in a few minutes he returned with a smile on his face, his shirt unbuttoned revealing his smooth, tan chest.  I smiled in return.  He walked over to me and scooped me up in his arms.  He began to carry me upstairs as if we had just gotten married, and it suddenly got me thinking.  We had never really had a proper Honeymoon, I’ll have to address that to him in the future, “Have we ever done this with Mary in the room?” I asked.  Paul stopped.

“I’m not sure, but if she’s asks what we’re doing, we’ll just tell her we’re exercising,” he winked and I laughed.  We made it to our bedroom and Paul shut the bedroom door behind us.