Chapter 11

There was a slight chill that woke me up the next morning. As I tried to huddle closer to Paul, with my eyes still shut, I noticed the ground beneath me was not comfortable, but in fact felt like grass. Slowly, I opened my eyes to find myself lying among quite a few other sleeping teenage girls on someone’s lawn. I sat up freezing cold as sprinkles of rain fell from the sky and grew heavier. Just wonderful. I turned to find an enormous gate and sitting behind it, a huge house. It looked somewhat familiar to me, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on it. I looked around once more and saw that one of the girls was awake and looking at me.
“Nice outfit,” she said in an English accent. I smiled slightly, looking down at my self. I wished I was wearing Paul’s shirt still.
“Thanks…” I said embarrassed as I tried to cover myself up. I felt incredibly stupid not only because of my outfit, but half these girls were between the ages of 13-17. It made me feel old.
“I’m sure John will like that if he sees you,” she said smiling in return, and then turning around to lie down. John’s house. That’s why it was familiar.
“Do you know what time it is?” I asked the girl. She turned to face me.
“About quarter past 9,” she said. I smiled.
“Thanks,” I said trying to think. I noticed the little box by the gate. I got up and walked over to it.
“We’ve already tried that, he answered once, but then stopped. He said he doesn’t have time to talk to us.” I heard the girl say. I nodded, but I needed to get a hold of John somehow.
“Hm, well, I’ll give it another try,” I said without a response. I pressed the button and crossed my fingers. There was no reply. I tried again, again, and yet again. Finally a voice answered, somewhat annoyed.
“What can I do for you?” The unfamiliar but familiar voice asked.
“Um, is John there?” I asked not sure if it was John or a servant of his.
“Depends on what you would like?” he asked.
“Well, I’m just a huge fan…” I started to say, and looked back at the girl who must’ve been asleep.
“Why thanks, I’ll tell him,” he said.
“No wait!”
“Yes?”
“I just wanted you tell him that my name is Olivia Newton,” I said slowly. There was silence for a moment.
“What?” He asked the fake accent slipping away.
“John, it’s me, Olivia!” I whispered, “I’m freezing cold out here…”
“Olivia?” he asked.
“Yes, isn’t there something you can do to help me?” I asked him.
“Um, hold on,” he said and I heard a click.
“No, John? John?” I said. Shoot, he didn’t believe me. Disappointed I returned to a spot on the grass and sat down. Just moments later, I heard footsteps and a few of the girls rumbling around. I turned to see John approaching the gate. I stood up.
“John! John!” the girls began to yell.
“Hello, girls,” he said smiling. He looked over at me and I smiled relieved, “Well, I felt horrible leaving you all out here in the rain, so I decided to pick one of ya to come in with me,” he said.
“Oh pick me pick me!! Please!” the girls started shouting. He just laughed and scanned us all.
“You there,” he said pointing at me. The girls quieted down and glared at me. I walked towards the gate.
“Me?” I asked playing along. He nodded.
“Yes you,”
“I told you the outfit would work,” the girl I talked to earlier whispered as I walked past her. I smiled. Before long I was walking up to John’s front door with him.
“Thank you so much John,” I said. He laughed.
“No problem luv. What brings you here?” He asked holding the door open for me, “Get sick of Paulie?” I laughed, but something in the back of my mind was saying yes. I shook the feeling away and stepped into John’s warm house.
“Thanks John,” I said. A feeling of embarrassment flooded over me as I stood in his living room in soaking wet undergarments. I noticed he was staring at me, making me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
“Yeah, no problem,” he said blinking then looking away, “Um, you look cold. I’ll be right back,” he said. I smiled as he went upstairs for a moment. I walked around his living room looking at the different things he had displayed. I was in his house for only a moment last time I came to England, so I never had a chance to really look at it. His sense of style was really unique and somewhat intriguing.
“I don’t have any girl clothing here, but you can change into these if you want.” I heard John say. I turned around as he held out a shirt and a pair of pants.
“Thanks John,” I said sniffing.
“Yep, if you want, I can stick your stuff in the dryer or something…” he said. That seemed like a good idea, but I felt awkward enough putting on John’s clothing, let alone without a bra or panties.
“Um, alright. Let me go change.” I said. He smiled.
“Bathroom’s over there, I’ll be in the kitchen making tea,” he said. I smiled and headed off to the bathroom. I took off my sticky wet clothes, and slipped on John’s shirt and pants. The smell of him flooded my nostrils and a strange feeling swept over me. It was the same feeling that wanted to say I was getting sick of Paul. After having his clothes on, I breathed in his smell again and my nerves began to act up. What was happening? I love Paul; I thought and once again shook the insane thoughts out of my head. I walked into the kitchen where, like he said, John was making tea.
“Where do you want me to put this stuff?” I asked holding my wet clothes. John turned around and looked me over. Again, the nerves tingled as I smiled. He smiled.
“You look smashing luv,” he said in a stupid accent. I blushed.
“Thanks,” I said nervously. He came over and took the clothes from me and went into the other room. I took this time to get a hold of myself. This wasn’t happening. I’ve never had these types of feelings for John, and I love Paul. I love Paul, I love Paul…I repeated to myself.
“Do you like tea?” John asked. I shrugged.
“Never really had it before. Smells gross though,” I said. He looked shocked.
“What? That’s bloody insane,” he said handing me a cup, “It’s good stuff, come ‘ed,” he said leaving the kitchen. I followed him to his living room where we both sat on his couch.
“So, how’s Paulie?” he asked.
“Oh, um, he’s fine I guess.” I said.
“So you two finally admitted the way you felt huh?” he asked rolling his eyes. I laughed as my feelings for Paul once again filled me. I knew I loved him.
“Yes, finally. And it’s wonderful,” I said. John smiled.
“Yeah, I knew you kids had something. It was just annoying how you kept dancing around the need to admit it to each other.” He said. I laughed again.
“Well, there were different things standing in our way at the time, but the way I here it, you told Paul I was too hot and out of his league anyway,” I said. He laughed.
“That little bastard told you I said that aye?” he asked. I laughed and cringed. I hated that word.
“Yeah, but who cares. It was a while ago.” I said.
“Yeah, maybe, but he didn’t have to tell you I said you were hot,” he laughed somewhat embarrassed. I smiled and the weird feeling was back again. What was going on?
“Oh, I knew you thought it any way,” I said kidding around.
“Oh is that so?” he asked. I nodded and laughed. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and laughing. It was nice because I got to know a little more about John, and the more I talked with him the more I liked him. Throughout our conversation, I watched him carefully. I noticed the little things he did when he talked and found myself wanting to kiss him. I tried to once again shake the feelings out of my head, but it wasn’t working anymore. This lust, or whatever it was, was not going to go away.
“John,” I interrupted him.
“Yes luv?” he asked. I hesitated for a moment.
“This may seem really, really, weird, but…can I kiss you?” I asked him. His face went completely into shock.
“What?” he asked laughing and taking a sip of his tea.
“Can I kiss you?” I asked again wanting to so badly.
“Luv, you’re with Paul, remember, you love him,” he said saying each word slowly as if I was stupid. I sneered at him.
“Yes I remember, but”
“But what? Did Paul do something wrong?” he asked.
“I don’t know, not really….he’s just not what I thought he was. I’m starting to think that I’m just infatuated with him…” I said. John was surprised.
“Is this a joke?” he asked, “Because I know you love him and I think Paul really loves you….he’d be heartbroken if he found this out.” He said.
“I agree. That’s why I’m going to tell him when I get back that I don’t think I love him….but let’s stop talking about Paul. I want you right now John….” I said softly.
“Olivia have you gone completely crazy?” John asked. I shook my head frustrated.
“I don’t think so, but maybe. Just one kiss? Come on, you said I was hot…” I said. He sat without saying anything. I just looked at him.
“Yes I know I said that, but Olivia, Paul’s me best mate. He’d kill me if I kissed you or even touched you for that matter.” He said.
“But do you want to?” I asked. He didn’t reply, “Tell me that truth. It’s the same as when I was with George, but Paul actually kissed me and they’re fine now.” I said. He made a face.
“But luv, this is different. Paul and I are a lot closer than George and him. More importantly, Paul really loves you. He’s different than George and I don’t think he’d ever forgive me.” He said sadly. I didn’t want to ruin their friendship, but I couldn’t control myself anymore.
“If you two are closer, then he will. You two are best friends.” I said just wanting to kiss him.
“We won’t be if I kiss you. Because we’re closer, he’ll be more upset that I would do such a thing to him, or to his girlfriend I guess it is.” He said.
“How would he find out? I won’t tell him, you won’t tell him.” I said, “Please John, if anything, it’ll help me figure out if I’m just going crazy or not. I might kiss you and it’ll be nothing,” I said. He sat for a moment again, not saying anything. I scooted closer to him and he didn’t move. He just looked me over and then looked straight at me, and I could see hesitation in his eyes. I leaned closer and finally placed my lips on his. I began to kiss him and after a few seconds he began to kiss me back. Everything that I felt for Paul went out the window as I leaned closer to John and he wrapped his arms around me. We were getting comfortable when he pulled me away.
“Luv, you’re a hell of a good kisser, but I can’t do this.” He said.
“Why? I like you John,” I said.
“No you don’t, you love Paul.” He said. I shook my head.
“No, you just helped me figure out I just wanted him….well, for the same reason he wanted me for a while.” I said.
“Luv, he never wanted you for that.” He said.
“Alright, fine. But that’s what I wanted him for I think. I don’t love him John. And the guy won’t let us sleep together anyway, so I got bored with him. He’s nice and cute and everything, but I don’t need him like I thought.” I said. And a little voice in my head was asking ‘what are you saying?’. I almost pondered it, but felt John twitch and I wanted him again. Again, I leaned towards him and began kissing him. Finally as I wanted, we made out on his couch for almost an hour. The thought of Paul never once entered my mind. After a while we finally stopped.
“I cannot believe I just did that,” John said out of breath. We sat there in silence for a while, “Um, I’ll be right back, Olivia,” John said getting up.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He seemed really bothered.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” he said shaking his head, as he left the room. I shrugged, closed my eyes, and just sat on the couch thinking of John.

“Where were you at?” I heard a different English accent say. I opened my eyes to see Paul sitting next to me.
“Oh, I popped up at home again,” I lied. He smiled.
“Well, I’m glad your back. There was a crazy fan in here. She wanted me hair and toe nails.” He said shaking his head.
“Really?” I asked trying to sound interested. He nodded.
“Yeah, her name was Gertrude. She was a crazy bird.” He said laughing, “I’m glad you’re back love,” he said smiling and taking my hand. I tried to smile, “Is there something wrong?” he asked noticing I didn’t hold his hand in return.
“Paul, we need to talk,” I said. He looked worried and let go of my hand.
“What’s up?” he tried to say casually. I breathed deeply.
“I don’t think I love you,” I said. He smiled.
“That’s funny, Olivia,” he said, but I didn’t’ smile. His soon faded away, “You’re serious?” he asked.
“Yes, it’s nothing to kid about Paul.” I said.
“But- what about all this time in here? You’ve told me you loved me a million times. The last time you told me you loved me was just yesterday,” he said and I swear I saw tears forming in his eyes, “Why?” he asked chocking up.
“For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about John?” I said. He looked confused.
“John? Why John? You haven’t even seen him lately!” he said.
“I know, but, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain,” I said.
“Is Ringo next then?” he asked somewhat angry.
“What?” I asked as he caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting him to be like Davy.
“Are you just playing us or something because we’re the Beatles? You said you loved George and then dumped him because you ‘fell in love’ with me. You told me you loved me, and now you don’t need me anymore because you want John.” He said, “After everything that we’ve gone through for you….” He shook his head, “You aren’t the person I thought you were,” he said sad again.
“Paul, I don’t know what it is. I did love you, really, even yesterday, but suddenly, I just feel things for John. I’m so sorry.” I said.
“If it’s still about cheating, John will cheat on you like no other,” he said desperate to find a reason for this because he didn’t understand, “And I already told you I’m never going to do that to you,” I shook my head.
“It’s not just about that…I don’t know what it is.” I said. He nodded, and again I saw the tears, this time it fell down his cheek. He turned his head away and got up leaving the room. I sat there wondering what was going on. I really did love him yesterday and before, so why do I want John all of a sudden? It was minutes upon minutes, and Paul wasn’t returning. I figured he was just off by himself, and so I laid down on the bed, soon falling asleep.

I opened my eyes and Paul was sitting, back to me, on the floor. I stretched, feeling refreshed.
“Hey, what are you doing down there?” I asked him. He turned around, eyes slightly red. “Paul are you okay?”
“I wrote something for you,” he said ignoring my question. I was confused. Something was wrong with him….
“Another song?” I asked. He nodded and walked over to audio player in the room. He looked at me sadly as he stood next to me, then stuck in the little tape he had. He walked back over to sit by the closet, this time facing me, but much further away. I wondered why he was sitting so far away because usually he sits right next to me and holds my hand. Maybe it was a bad song….I was about to say something when the song began.

Listen to Oh! Darling

Oh darling, please believe me.
I’ll never do you, no harm.
Believe me when I tell you,
I’ll never do you no harm.

Oh darling, if you leave me,
I’ll never make it, alone.
Believe me when I beg you,
Don’t ever leave me alone.

When you told me,
You didn’t need me anymore,
Well you know, I nearly broke down,
And cried.
When you told me,
You didn’t need me anymore,
Well you know, I nearly broke down,
And died.

As I listened to the emotion filled song, I was still slightly confused. I wasn’t quite sure where he was getting this stuff from. I looked over at him knees huddled to his chin, pain in his face. I never planned on leaving him, I loved him so much, and I don’t remember saying I was going to. Why did he think this all of a sudden? I was going to ask him, but by the tone in his voice, this song had much pain and love involved, that I didn’t want to interrupt.

Oh darling, if you leave me,
I’ll never make it alone.
Believe me when I tell you,
I’ll never do you no harm.
Believe me darling

When you told me,
You didn’t need me anymore,
Well you know, I nearly broke down,
And cried.
When you told me,
You didn’t need me anymore,
Well you know, I nearly broke down,
And died.

Oh darling, please believe me,
I’ll never let, you down.
Oh believe me darling,
Believe me when I tell you,
I’ll never do you no harm.

The song ended and I again looked over at Paul, tears in my eyes. Why did he think such a thing? I felt horrible because I could tell he was feeling horrible, and I didn’t understand why. But on a good note, like I said, that song had so much love and honesty in it, it melted my heart.
“Paul,” I said getting up and walking over to him. He sniffed wiping his nose, “Paul I don’t understand,” I said to him. He sniffed again and looked at me.
“Look, I know it probably won’t change your mind, but Olivia, you have to know that I love you. More than anything, and I don’t think I can make it without you. In fact, I know I can’t. Just please, please, think some more and make sure that this is how you feel, because I know you loved me once.” He said a tear running down his cheek. I wiped it away still confused.
“No, I mean, I don’t understand because I would never leave you Paul. I love you so incredibly much, and I know I can’t make it without you either. I don’t get why you thought this. I mean, the song was beautiful, but where did it come from?” I asked. He looked puzzled.
“You told me,” he said. I shook my head.
“What? Paul, I’m never going to leave you,” I said again. Now he shook his head.
“No, earlier today, you said you didn’t love me anymore. You said you, you liked John,” he told me.
“John?!” I asked shocked. I never thought of John that way.
“Yes, don’t you remember?” he asked, “I said I didn’t understand because you haven’t even seen him. But that’s what you told me,” I began to shake my head no, when I did remember. Something was going on with me, and for some reason I wanted John. It must’ve been one of those weird things, cuz I love Paul with all my heart.
“Yeah, I do now….but I wasn’t myself Paul. I’ve never thought of John that way. In fact, I think he’s kinda a prick sometimes,” I said making Paul laugh a little.
“He’s not that bad, but it’s nice to know you don’t think of him that way….” He started and stopped. I nodded and suddenly remembered John and my make out session. I almost gagged thinking about it, and looking at Paul’s relieved face, I decided to leave that out. He didn’t have to know about it. Any of it, not even me ending up at his house. It was one of those weird moments so none of it mattered anyway. It would just cause more unnecessary problems, because I knew Paul would probably make something that mattered out of it, if he ever knew.
“So you still love me then?” He asked with a lighter spirit.
“Of course I do. You should’ve thought it was odd when I first told you. I’ve been telling you how much I love you this whole time and yesterday, we had that wonderful afternoon and everything…why would I just all of a sudden not?” I said sitting so close to him we were touching. I grabbed his hand.
“That’s what I didn’t understand, but it was such a shocker to me, I didn’t really think about that too much I guess. I was just focused on the fact that you just broke me heart.” He sighed, “You don’t know how happy I am, and how relieved…” he said. I smiled and kissed him.
“If I ever say that I don’t love you again, it’s not really me. Because you are my whole world Paul, I love you.” I said kissing him again. He wrapped his arms around me as we kissed some more.
“I love you so much. I about died when you told me that you didn’t. I didn’t what I was going to do,” he said letting out a nervous and relieved laugh.
“As your song stated,” I said smiling. He nodded.
“Yes, just promise me it’ll never happen again. That was the worst 5 hours of me life.” He said.
“I promise,” I said and cuddled into him. We laid there together in silence. I felt horrible about what happened with John; for putting him in that situation and for not being able to control myself from whatever was taking over me. I prayed Paul would never find out, but not really for my sake. I was pretty sure that if he found out about it, he would be angry at first but then realize I couldn’t help myself. I worried for John’s. There was nothing making John kiss me in return or anything else that happened earlier, other than my pushing. So if Paul ever found out, I only wished he could see past the fact that John and I made out, and realize John didn’t really know what to do, finally forgiving him and their friendship wouldn’t be ruined. It scared me that even John thought Paul would never forgive him. That’s the last thing I would want; to ruin such a close friendship. Not only are they best friends but they were also the songwriters of the Beatles. I suddenly was afraid. If one hated the other, how would they work together? What then would happen to the Beatles???

Onto Chapter 12