‘PAUL MCCARTNEY IS QUITTING THE BEATLES’.  That’s all I seemed to hear about or see in the papers for the next few days.  Paul, still shaken up and a bit upset by all the hype spent most of the days sitting around drinking in front of the TV.  I’d sometimes sit and watch him from the kitchen wishing that there was something that I could say—something I could do, but it just seemed nothing would make this huge thing go away. 

            About a month had passed since the big announcement, and it was obvious people were still upset about the big news, but the drama seemed to die down to a lesser extent.  I, being about two months pregnant again, found myself just sitting at home not doing much, pretty much bored out of my mind.

            “Do you think we should get out of here?” I asked Paul one morning as we laid in each other’s arms.  He looked down at me.

            “Where would you like to go love?” he asked with a smile.

            “So is that a yes?”

            “Well, I don’t think getting away from all this shit would be a bad thing,” he laughed, “Besides, I love spending quality time alone with my baby,” I smiled as he kissed me on the forehead.

            “I’ve just been thinking that maybe going to the farm, or just on a trip while everything around here dies down to nothing—might be a good idea, you know?  Because believe me, I could do without the screaming angry girls yelling at us every day at the gate for a while,” I said moving away from Paul and walking to the window.  Yep, people were still angry.  I pulled the curtain away gently and stared at the once ‘Apple Scruffs’ screaming to see Paul, now scream that they hated him for what he had done—crying as if the world was now over. 

            “Oh, love, you’ve just got to ignore them like we did before,” Paul said as I turned back to him, “It’s still screaming—just a different kind you know,”

            “I know, but it’s downright annoying,” I said, “I think we should go somewhere,”  

            “I agree,” he nodded patting the bed for me to join him again.  I obliged and he took my against him, “But where?”

            “I don’t know, away,”

            “I know that,” he laughed and I had to smile, “but where?”

            “I say an actual trip—not the farm,”

            “Alright, well, that’s a start,” Paul nodded, “With Mary, or without?”

            “You’re considering not taking Mary?” I asked looking at him surprised.  He shrugged as he looked over at her sitting in her crib.

            “Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but we haven’t really had time to ourselves much after having her,” he said and he did have a point, “I mean, the last time we were alone together was at Micky and Brittany’s wedding,”

            “I wonder how they are doing,” I muttered suddenly thinking of them.

            “We could go visit them if you’d like,” Paul offered but I shook my head.

            “No, I want to go on a real vacation.  And I think not taking Mary is a good idea,” I said, “Especially now that we are expecting baby number 2 in a while, we’ll definitely not have much time to ourselves,”

            “That’s true,” Paul nodded, “Well, I’ll call up Aunt Jin.  I’m sure she’d be able to take her.  But now we need to figure out when we are leaving and where to,”

            “Well, what about Paris?” I asked and he made a face as if he was thinking about it so I continued, “I mean, the last time we went there, we had to come home early—and Hunter always said if we wanted to come back and use the house we could,”

            “Oh right, Hunter.  The place we broke the bed,” Paul laughed and I had to also, “Huh, you were pregnant with Mary then too weren’t you?”

            “That’s right I was,” I nodded, “So Paris then?”

            “Sounds good to me,” Paul nodded as the phone rang.  He leaned over and answered it, “Hello?”  There was a bit of silence and then he looked over to me, “I’ve got to take this in the other room alright?” he asked.

            “Yeah, sure,” I said confused why he couldn’t talk in front of me.  He smiled and kissed me.

            “Hang up the phone when I tell you too alright?”

            “Sure,” I said and he disappeared downstairs.  I hung up the phone as he asked me to and decided to wake Mary.  I made my way downstairs, not seeing Paul, and put her bottle in the microwave.  After a few seconds it beeped and Mary was drinking away as I walked around the kitchen wanting to eavesdrop on Paul’s conversation so bad, but of course I didn’t. 

            “Hello,” I heard Paul say and I turned around to smile at him.

            “Hello, who was that?” I asked curiously.

            “Oh, just someone from Apple,” he said scratching his head like he always did when there was something he had to do but didn’t want to—or knew I wouldn’t like it.

            “And, what did they say?  I thought that was over with?”

            “So did I, but there are a few things that need to be straightened out,” he hesitated, “I’ve got to leave for a few days, but when I get back we’ll go on our vacation, alright?”

            “Paul, I thought this leaving stuff was over?  What more do you have to do?”

            “I know love, I know.  It will be over after this, believe me.  I’ve just got to go Los Angeles and—”

            “Los Angeles?  Your going to America?” I asked shocked.

            “Yes, we’ve got to meet with the Capital Records Sales Conferences again,” he said, “I know you hate this, I do.  And so do I, but I have to go or this will never end,”   I was quiet for a few minutes.

            “Well, when do you have to go?”

            “They’ve got me a plane that leaves at 1pm,”

            “One?  That’s only 3 hours from now,” I protested.

            “I know, which means I have to pack,” Paul said coming close to me and kissing me, I pulled away gently, “Liv I’m so sorry, I am,” I looked up at him.

            “I just want our lives to start—our lives.  I’m so sick of Beatles stuff,” I said and he nodded taking Mary and me in his arms.  He kissed the top of my head.

            “I know love, so am I.  And as soon as I get back we will.  I promise,” he said pulling me back enough so he could look at me.  I nodded.

            “Alright,” 

            “I’ve got to go pack,” he said and disappeared upstairs.  He had someone come pick him up and take him to the airport so we said our goodbyes at home.  I smiled faintly as I watched him get into the car and drive away.  I wanted this to end so badly.

Wanting a bit of alone time I called Jin that day and asked her if she’d be willing to take Mary for the night—of course she was ecstatic.  After driving Mary over, I decided to stop and get a sandwich from the local deli to bring home.  I had done a bit of household things to occupy my times before taking Mary over to Jin’s, so by this time it was supper time.  I set up a TV tray for myself, placed my sandwich down, and poured myself a small glass of wine.  I changed into something more comfortable and made my way back downstairs to enjoy my alone time and watch a TV movie.  I was about halfway into the movie and done with my supper when the door bell went blaring through the house.  It went once, then twice, then a third time.  Annoyed I jumped up and ran over wondering how in the world they got past the fence.  I stood close to the door.

“Who is it?” I asked pressing my ear against the cold wood door.

“It’s John,” the voice replied.  I brought back my head in surprise, “Let me in will yeh?  It’s bloody freezing out here,” I opened the door immediately and John walked in brushing the snow off of his jacket.

“John, what—what are you doing here?” I asked.  He smiled at me as he took off his coat.  He looked different…something about him was different.

“Surprised love?” he asked.  I nodded slowly.

“Yes, I have to be honest, I am,”

“I don’t see why,” he replied and I just stared at him as he let out his wonderful laugh, “I’m just joking Liv.  Hey, got any tea on?”

“Yeah, in the kitchen,” I said slowly still confused.  He followed me in and I poured him a cup, sitting across from him at the table. 

“Hell this tastes delicious,” he said.

“John why are you here?” I asked again.  His smile faded a bit and he looked down at his tea, stirring it slowly.

“I suppose I should explain.  It’s a bit mad for me to show up like this—considering the tension between Paul and I,”

“It’s not just between you and Paul.  You’ve made me angry too John,”

“Of course I have,” he laughed to himself, “I dissed your bloody husband,”

“It’s not just that,” I said shaking my head, “I’m mad at all of you—for letting things turn out this way,”

“Come on luv?  You know just like all of us, things couldn’t have stayed the way they were when you first met us—that would be a bloody fairy tale.  This is fuckin’ life.  Things don’t turn out the way you want them—believe me, I know,”

“Yes I know that, but it didn’t have to go down the way it did.  You all didn’t have to start treating each other like dirt,” I said frustrated.  He nodded.

“I agree.  I wish things were different,” he said serious and looking down at his tea, “Very different,” he muttered.

“So why are you here John?” I asked again.  He laughed and looked up at me.  He stood up and walked over to me leaning down right in front of my face with a smile.

“Trying to get rid of me are you?  Seems you’ve asked that question a couple times already,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.  I had to smile.

“That’s because you aren’t answering me,” he laughed and left the kitchen.  I got up and followed him out to the living room, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

“So where’s Mary?” he asked me and I laughed.

“See?  Not answering the question,” I pointed at him.  I knew what was different.  Not really his looks, though his hair was once again short, but his personality.  The way he joked, the twinkle in his eye, he was himself again.  How long it would last this time, I wasn’t sure.  But the important thing was that he was back, even if for just now.

“Didn’t your mum ever tell you it’s rude to point?” he asked pushing my finger away with his hand.

“Oh like you were the most polite boy,” I laughed and he sneered at me.

“Aye now, no need to be cruel,” he smiled, “Besides, I was a teddy.  One of the best too,”

“Right, right,” I laughed, “But to answer your question,” I said eyeing him as he snickered, “Mary is with Jin.  I wanted to be alone tonight,”

“Fine, fine, I’ll answer your bloody question,” he said and I smiled.

“I’m taking a break from Yoko again,” he said and my smile faded.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said but I knew he was lying, “I just find me self not happy.  I mean, I guess I love her and all, but I don’t feel happy like I used to be, you know?”

“Is it her that’s making you unhappy then?” He smiled softly and looked at me.

“No, if it weren’t for her I’d be completely miserable,” he laughed, “She’s the wall that makes me forget about what I didn’t get,”

“What you didn’t get?” I asked confused.

“Yes, but obviously it doesn’t work all the time,” he said, “I can’t help but think about it,”

“Think about what John?”

“The other day, yesterday it might have been,” he started, “I was listening to a few of our old records—you know for kicks.  Or maybe I was trying to remember the better days, I don’t know,”

“You miss the old days?” I asked surprised, then laughed to myself, “Who would’ve known with the way you’ve been acting lately,” he glared up at me, “Sorry,”

“Don’t be, I know I’ve been a jack ass, but I just want it all to end.  I hate that it has to end but I also know that if it doesn’t we’d all end up hating each other more than we do now, and I don’t want that.  I just want this long drawn out process to stop—to be done with,”

“I understand,” I nodded, “Here I thought it was done, but Paul’s gone for a few days to finish up some Beatle crap,”

“Paul’s gone?” John asked.

“Yeah, till day after tomorrow,” I said and he nodded, “So what were you saying now?  You were listening to some albums…?”

“Oh yes,” he nodded, “Well, I was listening to some old albums and a couple of songs sort of hit me,”

“Which songs?”

“If I Fell, Anytime at All, and Eight Days Week, particularly,” he said taking a sip of tea.

“They remind you of the old days?” I asked and he smiled.

“Yes and no.  It was that and the meaning behind them,” I wasn’t quite sure what he meant so I sat quiet, “It’s the girl that they’re about that I miss,” he laughed, “Cor, I’ve liked her for so long,”

“Cyn?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, not Cyn.  I considered leaving Cyn for her actually,” I was shocked once again.

“Really?  How come we’ve never heard of her?”  He laughed.

“Because I didn’t want to tell anyone,”

“Were you ashamed?”

“No, but she was with someone else for a while and I’d never really felt that way about a bloody girl before,”

“Did she know how you felt?” I asked, “Why didn’t you get the guys to help you?  I’m sure they would’ve,” he laughed and sipped his tea.

“Pretty sure they wouldn’t have,”

“I suppose they wouldn’t have helped you break her up with her boyfriend,” I said, “But you still should’ve at least told us,” I said hitting him gently.

“Well, actually, she did end up breaking up with him,” he said.

“John!” I said with a smile and he looked up at me almost like he was scared, “Why didn’t you do anything then?”  He seemed a bit relieved.

“Because she hooked up with Paul,” he said sipping his tea immediately.  I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out right away.

“What did you say?”

“I said she hooked up with Paul, after she dumped her first boyfriend,” I swallowed.

“What was his name?”  John stared at me and was quiet, “John, what was his name?”

“George,” I brought my hand to my mouth and stood up backing away from him, “I’m so sorry Olivia, I didn’t mean to tell you,” John said standing up.  I lowered my hand.

“It was me?  You like me?” I asked almost not able to breathe, “You wanted to leave Cyn for me?  You wrote songs for me?”

“Calm down luv, please,” John said.  I began pacing.

“How can I calm down John?!” I asked angry, but not sure why, “Why after all this time would you tell me that you’ve had feelings for me?! I’m married to Paul.  We have a baby; I’m having another baby,”

“You two are having another baby?” he asked.

“Yes, John!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  Like I said, I didn’t mean to tell you—ever.  I know how much you love Paul and—why are you so angry?” he asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Why are you so angry?  Would it have mattered if I had told you earlier?” I stood quiet and just stared at him.  Why was I angry?  I’ve never had feelings for John—he’s always just been my perverted friend.  Best friend of my boyfriend, husband, and man I love.

“No, it wouldn’t have,” I said calming down a bit.  He smiled slightly.

“I didn’t think it would’ve,” he said, “But why are you angry?”

“I don’t know,” I said sitting down again, him following my motion, “I honestly don’t know why I got angry,”

“It’s alright, it’s something that should never have been said,” John replied quietly.  I looked up at him.

“You really wrote those songs for me?  I, I didn’t know you felt so strongly,” I said and he laughed.

“I’m sure Paul’s told you how much trouble you caused between me, him, and George.  We all bloody wanted you.  At first I just wanted you for sex, but then I got to know you.  And I started thinking about what it would be like if I had a girl like you,”

“What do you mean a girl like me?”

“So innocent, so nice, so good,” he laughed.

“John Cyn was all that,”

“Yeah, maybe, but you were different.  Besides you are 10 times hotter than Cyn,” I laughed with a light flush to my face, “You’re hotter than Bridgette Bardot you know,”

“Oh is that so?” I asked and he nodded laughing.

“I don’t know, I thought about telling Paul about it—being we were the closest and all, but that’s when he started telling me about how he felt for you—and there was no way in hell I was going to say anything then.  So I just blew it off, stopped thinking about it, and told myself you would never have been with someone like me anyway,” he said and I felt bad.  I touched his hand.

“Don’t say that John,” I said, “It wasn’t that I didn’t like who you were, believe me, if anything it seems as if I like that sort of person,” I laughed and he looked confused.

“You what?”

“Paul is more like you then you know,” I said, “You’ve influenced him so much, I feel like I’m living with you sometimes,” John laughed.

“I knew the bloody bugger thought I was cool,” I laughed.

“Oh like it wasn’t obvious!  He always had to make sure you thought he was funny, or you thought what he was doing was cool.  You had that boy hooked since you first met—you were his hero,” I laughed, “But don’t tell him I told you,”

“Don’t worry; I’m afraid I won’t be talking to him for a while.  We’ve got to cool down from all this shit or we’ll always just end up talking about it and getting pissed at each other,”

“That’s true,” I said.  I knew the subject had changed but I wanted to back to the previous, “So, did you come over to tell me you had feelings for me all these years?”

“Not intentionally,” he laughed, “But deep down I wanted to tell you.  Not necessarily because I thought something would happen but just because I wanted to get it off me chest.  I know I’ve treated you like shit lately Liv, but it’s only because I’m angry.  I’m angry that Paul bloody got all the girls—that’s one thing I looked up to him for.  He has that bloody charm and that fuckin cute face,” he shook his head with a laugh, “I knew he’d be trouble,”

“But you love him,” I said and he nodded.

“God knows I do,” he agreed, “But I was angry—seeing how happy you two were together.  Knowing our band was going to hell.  Knowing I would never have what Paul has.”

“You two need to stop being so jealous of each other,” I said and he laughed.

“That’s the way we work luv.  Do you think we would’ve hit the charts with that many songs if we weren’t?”

“I suppose, but you both are very special people, and I love you just as much as I love Paul,”

“Just in a different way,” John said for me and I nodded.

“You’ve been one of my closest friends John, and I feel like I could tell you anything.  Maybe that’s why I got angry, because here I was being able to tell you anything when all this time you were unhappy because of me,”

“I wasn’t unhappy because of you, I realized I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.  And that’s what I wanted you to know I guess.  That even though I can be an ass, I do care for you, more than anything, and I’d do anything for you or Paul.  Don’t take what I say to heart all the time—a lot of it is just not needed jealously and anger.”

“I know, I’ve always kinda known,” I nodded, “It just kinda hurt anyway,”

“Well, this was a lot easier than I thought it would be,” John sighed, “I thought for sure you wouldn’t even let me in the house!”  I laughed along with him.

“Nah, you’ll always be a dear friend John—one of the closest,”

“You too Liv,” John said with a smile, “I’ll never forget the things we’ve gone through together,”

“Oh jeez, I don’t even want to remember half the stuff I know you do,” I said and he snickered wickedly.

“Well, I suppose I should get going back home.  Yoko’s probably wondering where I am,” I smiled.

“Thanks for coming over John,” I said touching his hand.  He nodded.

“You’re sure you don’t want to leave Paul and run away with me?  We can have dirty sex all the time and not worry about anything?” I wrinkled my nose.

“Yuck John,” I said and he laughed wickedly again.

“Last offer?”

“No thanks,” I laughed, “I love Paul too much to leave him and have dirty sex with you,”

“Damn you good girls,” John said shaking his head, “I suppose Mr. Charming gives you all the dirty se—”

“Stop it,” I said before he could finish and he laughed.

“I’ve always wanted to see you two in action, you know,”

“John that’s disgusting!” I said moving away from him as he laughed, “See, this is the crap that’s rubbed off on Paul.  You don’t know half of the perverted things he says,”

“Go Macca!” John laughed.  I shook my head with a laugh and pulled John up off the couch.

“Get outta here,” I said and he smiled.

“I hope to see you two soon,” John said seriously.  I nodded.

“Me too John,” I said as we walked to the door.  We stood in front of it in silence. 

“Can I ask just one favor?” John asked walking closer to me.  My breath quickened.

“What?”

“May I just have one kiss?  One kiss for the man that loved you but never got you?”

“You make me feel bad when you say that,” I said and he smiled.

“I only joking,” he said, “About the man that never got you stuff.  But I would like just one kiss?”  I hesitated and figured it would be okay.  I nodded and he cupped my head in his hands and placed his lips on mine.  I was almost afraid he would be himself and take advantage of the situation and kiss me inappropriately.  But instead, I found myself surprised as he kissed me delicately and softly—a kiss that lasted not even a minute.  He pulled away and smile, brushing the hair away from my face.

“Thank you, I’ll remember that for the rest of me life,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” I said.

“See you on the flip side luv,” he said with a smile as he embraced me for a hug, “And if you tell Paul about any of this, which I know you will, being you can’t keep anything from him,” he winked at me, “tell him that I said I love him and that I hope someday we’ll be able to get together again like the old days, and not like Beatle days, but like Hamburg days.  Tell him, he’ll always be me best friend.  Tell him he’ll always be me brother, me little brother.” I rubbed a tear from my eye.

“Gosh John, that was sweet,” I said and he laughed.

“No need to cry luv,”

“I will tell him, I promise.  And I promise you he’ll say he feels the same way,”

“Except for I’m the big brother,” John laughed and I had to giggle.

“Yes, except for that,”

“Alright well, ta luv,”

“Bye John,” I said and shut the door behind him.