There was a period of silence where we all just stared at each other.  I felt Paul shift uncomfortably underneath me and I prayed that things wouldn’t go out of control.  That was the last thing I needed right now; to be caught in the middle of a fight between the “Ex-Beatles”. 

            “Well, I can see this was a pleasant surprise,” John said sarcastically as George and Ringo stood silently on either side of him.  I cleared my throat.

            “Don’t take it personally, I just,” I began, “I just wasn’t expecting you guys,” I tried to smile but I felt awkward. 

            “We may have our differences with each other Olivia, but we still care about you,” George said.  I saw John look at me and I read his look like a book.  The last time I saw him he confessed his long time feelings for me.  It became a little more awkward at this point.

            “Yeah,” Ringo continued, “When we heard about your accident, we all ran here right away to see how you were,” I smiled at the thought of them caring so much to come together for me.   Paul had remained quiet this whole time.

            “How did you hear about the accident?” I asked. No one spoke for a second and I noticed John was looking at Paul.  I moved my head up to catch a glimpse of Paul and I saw he was looking back at John.  The look was….sincere.  They weren’t glaring at each other, nor smirking.  They actually seemed to look a bit sad as they stared at each other.  I looked at John and then back at Paul who quickly looked away and I could tell he was putting up his emotional wall again. 

            “Paul called,” George said when no one was answering.  My mouth fell open a bit; the four of them had not had a civil, friendly conversation in months.  In fact, they tried desperately to have nothing to do with each other.  I moved back painfully so I could look straight at Paul.  He looked directly into my eyes.  I smiled faintly and caressed his hand.

            “You called them?” I asked quietly.  He shrugged lightly.

            “I figured they’d want to know,” he said quietly back.  I smiled again and hugged him, giving him a deep kiss.

            “I love you,” I said and he kissed me again.

            “I love you,” he replied.

            “Cor, just like the old days,” John whined.  Paul and I looked back to him.  His eyes were mischievous, “Get a room why don’t you?” he asked and I smiled, and I swear I saw Paul smile as the two other Beatles grinned as well.

            “Actually John, this is our room, so if you’d like to,” Paul said suddenly with no emotion, “Get out,” The room was quiet and I couldn’t believe he’d start something right now, especially since I just showed him how much him being strong and calling the other Beatles meant. The room remained silent again and once more John and Paul were staring at each other, George and Ringo quiet just watching. In fact, Ringo hadn’t said a word since they got here.

            “Gonna be a smart ass are you?” John asked Paul.  Paul stared back.

            “So what if I am?”  Everyone’s eyes flashed back and forth between the two of them.  I didn’t know whether to say something or not.  I couldn’t read what either of their expressions were saying. 

            “Do you really want us to leave?” Ringo finally asked.

            “No,” I blurted.  Paul looked over at me.

            “No let him answer,” John said looking at me then back at Paul, “If you want us to leave Paul, then why don’t you come over here and escort us?”  I glanced at Paul who lifted his long black right eyebrow high. 

            “’Scuse me love,” he said to me getting off the bed and walking to John. 

            “Paul,” I called out fearing what would happen next.  Paul stood in front of the other Beatles, but directly in front of John.

            “Before you escort us out,” John began, “Why don’t you tell me why exactly you don’t want us here?” 

            “Well because,” Paul answered, “As you noticed, we need a room.  We have one, but it’s occupied with others.  If you were to leave, we could finish what we started, then you wouldn’t have to see it and we could do what we were doing.  When we’re done, you can come back in,” he shrugged, “Everyone’s happy.”  I crinkled my eyebrows together as did George and Ringo.  I stared at John and Paul more confused then before and saw that they both were hiding smiles.  John shook his head.

            “Always the smart ass, you are Macca,” John said messing up Paul’s hair.  Paul frowned and tried to fix it back into its place.  John smirked and grabbed him into a head lock messing his hair up even more.  Paul squirmed away.

            “Ah, get off me Lennon,” he said with a smile.  They laughed at each other and George, Ringo, and I all sat quiet, each mouth hanging open and eyes staring.  John and Paul stopped laughing when they noticed us.

            “You three look like you’ve seen a ghost,” John said.  Paul smiled and came back over to sit by me and I just stared at him.  He laughed.

            “What is it love?”

            “What was that?” I asked him.

            “What was what?”

            “I thought you two were going to rip each other apart,” George said for me.  I nodded.

            “You thought Paul was going to rip me apart?” John laughed and pulled a chair from the wall to sit down, “Now that’s funny,”

            “Sod off John,” Paul said like a little boy. 

            “I must say, I agree with George,” Ringo said as the two of them found places to sit, “I thought for sure there was going to be a fight.  I thought, ‘Cor, we can’t even be friendly for 5 minutes,’.” 

            “Um, I know you guys just sat down but,” I said, “But could I have a second alone with Paul?” I asked.

            “Going to talk about us already aye?” John asked smirking.  I smiled and shook my head.

            “No,” I told them, “I need his help with something, and I’d rather you three not see.” They all raised their eyebrows—even Paul.

            “Right, ‘Liv,” John said nodding, “Take all the time you need,” I shook my head and they shuffled out of the room.  I turned to Paul.

            “Needed help with something?” Paul asked smiling, “That was quite the lie there love,”

            “What do you mean?”

            “It’s obvious that you want to talk to me,”

            “About what?”

            “Come ‘ead love,” Paul laughed, “You want to know what’s up with John and I.”  I made a face.

            “I always forget how much you know me,” I laughed.

            “Yes I notice that,” Paul laughed, “But I must say, that makes things a little fun at times.”  I smiled.

            “So, what is going on?”  Paul took a deep breath.

            “Well, I knew this whole thing was going to go out in the papers eventually, because of who I am and who you are to me, so in the beginning I wasn’t going to say anything to them and let them find out that way.  I’d set my mind to that, but a part of me still thought that it would be better, whether we’re getting along or not, that they hear it from me, but I didn’t want to talk to any of them; least of all John,”

            “So what changed your mind?” I asked.

            “You,” he said.

            “Me?  How?”

            “During those few days where you didn’t know who you were and didn’t know who I was, I started wondering if you would ever remember anything.  I was starting to think that you weren’t, so I thought with those recent events, I shouldn’t let them find out by the papers.  It was getting more serious and so being that they are your friends too, I figured they should know first hand,” he said and I smiled sadly taking his hand in mine.  He looked down at it and caressed it slowly, “Besides, when you had asked me to tell you about your past and how you met us, I started remembering things myself,” he looked back up at me, his eyes sad, “It made me remember the good days, you know?  The days where we all got along and we’d stay up all night laughing and playing games in the hotel.  John usually getting drunk off his ass,” he chuckled to himself, “Remembering how happy I was when George and I got through our differences and were able to remain friends, and how sad it is now that we haven’t talked to each other in months.  Remembering how Ringo always tried to make things fun, and clear any tension that was caused by John, George, and I.”

            “Oh sweetie,” I said feeling so sad for him.  I wasn’t sure when everything was going to catch up to him.  I knew that he knew what was going on and what was happening, but he was so angry all the time, he didn’t have time to really think about what the four of them had and how it was all lost in a matter of a month.  They had everything.  They were the closest of friends, the most popular and influential musical group, and shared their lives with each other. 

            “So as I got thinking and missing things, I thought I’d just buff up and give John a call.  I did so and he told me how he came to visit you the other night and told me what he told you.  He said he knew I’d probably be mad, but he wanted to be honest,” Paul laughed a little, “So we got to talking and apparently he’s been feeling the same way, you know, missing the good days.  So, I told him what had happened, and I asked him if he’d call the others and let them know, and he did.”

            “So,” I said thinking, “You guys planned that whole little fight thing?” I asked and he laughed.

            “No, I didn’t even know they were going to come.” He said shaking his head, “All I said is that I wanted him to know and tell the others for me.  We were going to get together later on once things with you are better, but apparently they all decided that they would come here.  I was just as shocked as you.  The fight thing, that was just, ad libbed.”  I hit him lightly on the chest.

            “You had us all worried that you were going to hit each other,” I said and he laughed.

            “I know, that’s why it was funny,”

            “So why didn’t you call George and Ringo?” I asked.

            “I don’t know, I guess, I just felt like that would be awkward,” he said, “I’m closest to John, we’ve been friends for so much longer than the others.  I just knew that if I had to pick one of them to be friends with again, it would be John.  I figured that the others would come in time,”

            “Here’s your chance for you all to patch things up,” I said, “A ‘get well’ present for me,” I smiled and he laughed.

            “You lots can come in now,” Paul yelled.  The three of them all walked in, surprisingly smiling.

            “So why couldn’t you have just told everyone how you feel and what happened?” John asked Paul.  He glanced at the others and shrugged.

            “I’d be willing to try and be friends again,” George said, “I’ve realized it’s a bit lonely with just Pattie and me self.  Things aren’t going so well anyway between us,”

            “What?” I asked, “What do you mean?”  They all sat down once more.

            “Well, I’ve been starting to do some film production stuff as well as making albums and apparently Pattie doesn’t like that much.  All she wants to do is go out and party, besides, she seems to be a bit keen on Eric Clapton,” he paused, “You remember him?  You met him at that dinner a few years ago,” he asked and I nodded looking quickly to Paul.  I couldn’t remember if George knew what Pattie had said to me so long ago about her feelings.

            “I’m so sorry George,” I said and he shrugged.

            “It’s alright, we’ll just keep trying,” he smiled.

            “How are things with you Ringo?”

            “Good,” he answered, “We had another baby,”

            “Really!?” I said smiling.  He nodded and proceeded to tell me more about there new baby boy. 

            “That’s fantastic Ring,” Paul said with a smile, “I didn’t know we were all missing so much,”  They all continued to talk about the things that had been happening to them but all I could think about was Ringo’s new baby and how I was supposed to be having Paul and my second, but it died in the car crash.  Tears burned in my eyes. The more I thought about it the more it hurt.  First we had a miscarriage, then we were blessed with Mary, and now our third baby died in me during the accident.  What was wrong with me?  Why was I not able to have babies?  Why did something always have to go wrong?  If I had not bought that lemonade, everything would have been fine.  I would not be sitting here in the hospital bruised and in pain, but then again Paul and the others wouldn’t be talking and laughing as if the last few months had never happened.  My head began to hurt and it was getting harder and harder to hold the tears in.  I almost died.  Paul was devastated.  I lost our baby.  I remembered Paul’s face as he leaned over me, holding me tight; his eyes red, his long eyelashes wet, his cheeks glistening with tears. 

The truck was coming fast.   Soon I was hit.  The pressure from his truck was so intense it knocked me out right away… there was blood all over the seats of the mini cooper.  There were cop cars all around and somebody was pulling my limp body from the car and I caught a glimpse of the truck driver being arrested.  I turned my head back feeling the hot tears falling down my scraped face.  Everywhere stung.  My legs, my head, my chest, my stomach.  I thought about Paul.  He was waiting for me in California, and I wouldn’t be coming.  I hoped someone would call him right away.  The men placed me on a stretcher and my head was getting heavy and hot.  I was fading away, but trying desperately to hold on.  I couldn’t do it, I was leaving, and it was getting darker and darker as the moments went by.  If I were to die, I wouldn’t be the only one……

“Hey, ‘Liv are you okay?” I heard a voice.  I looked up from staring at my bruised arms and I saw a few people through a blurry wall.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” I heard Paul’s voice.  There would be no baby.  I would probably have scars reminding me of this day for the rest of my life….. 

“Paul, I,” I began and I felt my body shaking, “I can’t believe—it’s gone.  There’s no baby, Paul, there’s no baby,” I cried uncontrollably.

“You guys were having a baby?” I heard George ask quietly.  I heard John whisper something to George and I heard him gasp and whisper ‘oh no’s’.

“Olivia sweetheart, it’s alright,” Paul said holding me as I sobbed into his shirt.

“I almost died Paul, I almost died,” I repeated, “I killed our baby, I killed it…..”

“Love don’t talk like that,” Paul said and I could tell from the tone in his voice he was trying to be strong for me, but that it was hard for him.

“No I did Paul, I did,” I sobbed, “If I didn’t get the lemonade, things would be fine,”

“Lemonade?  What are you talking about?”  Paul asked still holding me.

“I bought lemonade from a little girl and, and, I’m so sorry Paul,” I continued to shake not helping myself, “I spilt lemonade in your car, I was cleaning it, and then it happened, it’s all my fault,”

“Shh, baby, please, nothing is your fault,” Paul said and I felt one of his hot tears fall from his face and touch mine.

“Maybe we should go,” George said quietly.  I didn’t reply.  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want them there.  I was breaking down; everything was coming back. 

“I’m sorry mates; maybe you could come back later?” Paul asked and the boys slowly left the room.  Paul and I sat and cried together in each other’s arms, “Olivia please believe that nothing is your fault; the driver was drunk.  He’s the bastard,” Paul finished his voice getting angry. 

“I killed our baby Paul,” I said my sobbing becoming less and less in intervals.  I looked up at his once again red eyes, “Maybe we aren’t meant to have a family,” I said softly, “I’ve already killed two of our babies,”

“Olivia please,” Paul begged kissing me hard on the mouth, “You did not kill, ki—” he choked up for a moment and paused to catch his thoughts.  He stroked my hair lightly, “Nothing was your fault.  It just happens to people, unfortunately it’s happened horribly to us,” he said and I began to cry lightly again, “But we have Mary, she’s a blessing to us.  I know we’ll love her until the day we die,” I nodded my head and sniffed.

“You’re right, maybe we were only meant to have one child,” I said heart broken because I wanted more.  I wanted Paul and me to have a big loving family.  He smiled lightly.

“And who knows, maybe we just aren’t supposed to have another baby yet, and in time, we’ll have another one,” he said rubbing the back of his knuckles softly on my wet, hot cheek.

“I just wish it didn’t have to happen this way,” I said softly, “This is, so, heartbreaking, I don’t want to think about it anymore Paul, I don’t,” I said leaning against his chest. 

“Let’s not think about it then okay?” He asked, “Can we do that for a little?” 

“Okay,” I nodded.

“Just close your eyes love and relax,” Paul said softly.  I did as he said and soon I found myself in a state of dreariness.

            “Knock, knock?” I heard a woman’s voice and I opened my heavy lids.  There stood Aunt Jin, Uncle Harry, and Jim; Aunt Jin holding Mary in her arms.  I smiled.

            “Hi,” I said sitting up.

            “Oh dear, don’t get up, its fine,” Aunt Jin smiled.

            “How are you feeling?” Jim asked sincerely.  I moved my head to the side slightly, noticing how much my crying had created a throbbing pain. 

            “I’ve been better, but it’s not too bad,”

            “I think you may be ready for some more medicine,” Paul said looking down at his watch, “Is it alright if I go find your nurse?” he asked me.  I really didn’t want him to leave, but he was right.  I needed medication—the pain was coming back and I just wanted to sleep, but then again the dreams were horrible, almost worse then being awake. 

            “Alright,” I smiled as he moved his body slowly from underneath me.  He kissed Mary on his way past her and left the room.

            “So, you say you are feeling better?” Aunt Jin asked and I nodded.

            “Well, just a tad,” I laughed slightly, “The pain gets a little hard to handle and, well,” I paused choking up on my words and holding back tears, “The memories are the worst….”

            “Oh dear, you poor thing,” Aunt Jin said with a sincere face, “I brought you some of your favorite cobbler,”

            “It’s fresh too, she slaved over it all day,” Uncle Harry said placing the wrapped up cobbler on the little table to my right.  I smiled.

            “Thanks Jin, that ought to cheer me up some,”           

            “Well I hope so,” Aunt Jin smiled, “But look what else I’ve got….she’s missed you,” she smiled down at Mary who was reaching her little hands out to me saying ‘mama’.  I smiled as Aunt Jin handed her to me.

            “Hey little girl,” I said to her making her smile and giggle.  I held her in my arms and just stared at her, so thankful that I was allowed one baby.  I ran my fingers through her long dark hair and smiled.  She had so many of Paul’s features, but yet they looked so different on her.  She was beautiful.  I kissed her lightly on the forehead and held her close, “I love you so much Mary,” I whispered into her ear as another tear fell, “I know we told you, you were going to have a baby sister or brother, but,” a couple more tears fell, “mommy’s not going to have it anymore, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” I said.

            “Sweetheart are you going to be okay?” I pulled from Mary and looked at Aunt Jin.  She seemed more concerned to see my face covered with tears.

            “Yes I just,” I paused, “We lost the baby in the accident,” I blurted.  Aunt Jin gasped and Jim and Harry sat quiet with shocked faces        

            “Oh dear, oh dear,” Aunt Jin murmured, “I’m so sorry,” I tried to smile, but it didn’t work so well.

            “Oh it’s alright,” I said though I didn’t think it was.  I couldn’t help but blame myself and hating this whole situation more and more as it went on. 

            “Baby,” I turned to see Mary smiling at me, “baby!” she said again and I couldn’t believe she knew that word.  Paul and I had just been talking to her so much lately, telling her the fabulous news of a coming baby brother or sister, who knew she was actually listening?  I couldn’t take it.  Staring into Mary’s big brown eyes twinkling back at me, caused me pain.  Even though she was my own child, seeing a baby just brought back the painful memories of our first loss with the miscarriage and now the recent loss from the accident.  I began crying uncontrollably.  I held Mary away from me.

            “Take her,” I said and the three members’ of Paul’s family looked at each other confused, “Please take her!” I said firmly beginning to cry.  I turned my head away from her not wanting to look anymore.

            “Olivia dear,” Aunt Jin started.

            “No I don’t want her! Please, take her away!” I shouted and with that Mary began crying, causing me to cry even more.  Aunt Jin quickly took Mary from me and walked out of the room to shush her I imagine, Uncle Harry following quickly behind her.  I cried into my hands and Jim came to the side of the bed and held me in his arms.

            “It’s alright dear,” he said softly.  I shook my head ashamed to look at him.

            “No, no it’s not,” I said flatly, “I’m miserable.  I’m in so much pain I can’t even stand it.  So much pain that I just want to go to sleep, but I hate sleeping because then it all comes back.  The accident, the miscarriage, Paul’s helpless face when he saw me,” I shook my head, “And now, I can’t even look at my own daughter!”

            “I know you’ve heard this so many times already, but things will get better, they will,” he said and he was right.  So many people have said this to me, so much that I didn’t even believe it anymore, but the way he said it was different.  His voice was so soft, so true, and so pure that you just wanted to believe anything he said.  I wiped my tears and looked up at him, “I don’t know how much Paul has told you about Mary, but during that time, I thought that I was never going to get through it.  I couldn’t sleep at night, seeing her suffer hour after hour, day after day.  I felt there was nothing I could do for her, and to make it worse, Paul and Mike were devastated, and I didn’t know how to handle it.” I began tearing up again, but this time from the memories Jim had of Mary’s death, “I know this doesn’t sound uplifting, but, my point is, you may think that things won’t change and that it’s gone as bad as it can go, but it will always get better.  I miss Mary terribly, but I love Ruth, and I’m happy.  Things did get better, and now I just look back at all the good times the two of us had, and I don’t dwell on her suffering days as I used to.  I’ll never forget her as long as I live, no one or nothing will ever replace her.”

            “Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” I said softly.  He nodded and kissed my forehead.

            “You and Paul have been blessed with such a love,” he shook his head, “The love you have for each other is something that will keep you guys together forever and help you make it through anything.  He’s there for you no matter what happens and you are there for him—I’ve never seen my son happier,” he laughed to himself, “It used to be that his happiest moment was when he bought his first guitar and learned to play it—correctly that is,” I had to smile, “But now, that seems like nothing.  Nothing close to the way he looks at you and talks about you.  I know you two have had some hard times, and unfortunately it’s been a lot harder than the “normal” couple.  But look how far you’ve come?  You are even more in love and you have been blessed with a very beautiful baby girl, and a wonderful life,” he said and I smiled, frowning almost immediately.

            “But I can’t even look at her, Mary, it just hurts,” I said, “It reminds me of what we lost again, and the fact that she knew the word baby…she doesn’t understand,”

            “That is unfortunate, but things will get better.  It’s hard, dear, I know, but time will pass and things will be back to normal.  The accident is still fresh so things are going to be difficult in time to come, but it will get better, I promise,” he finished.  I smiled.

            “And if you’re wrong?” I asked him and he chuckled.

            “Well, then, if I’m wrong, you may take everything I own and love,” he said and I laughed feeling better already.

            “Then you’d be left with nothing,”

            “Exactly,” he winked.  I smiled knowing he was confident in things getting better.  I nodded.

            “Thanks a lot Jim,” I said and he smiled warmly.

            “Anytime dear,”

            “What’s going on here?” Paul asked curiously looking back at the door when he entered, “Jin’s outside with Mary and she says that you had a break down?” he asked coming to me and taking me into his arms as Jim stood up, “Is everything alright?”

            “I’ll leave you two alone,” Jim smiled, “I hope you feel better Olivia,”

            “Thank you Jim,” he smiled again and left the room, Paul continued to look at me, worry in his eyes.

            “What happened love?” he asked.

            “I can’t look at Mary,” I told him.

            “What do you mean?”

            “I can’t look at her.  I was holding her and telling her I loved her, I missed her so much,” I said crying again, annoyed at myself for doing it so much, “I told her that she wasn’t going to have a baby brother or sister anymore and then, then,”

            “Then what?”

            “Then she said baby.  She said it twice and she looked so happy, Paul, she doesn’t understand!”  I said through more tears, “Then when I looked at her face all I could think about is losing the baby, both babies, and I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t want to see her, I, I,” I quieted my voice to a whisper that came out cracked, “I don’t want to see her”

            “Oh baby,” Paul said hugging me close again, “It’ll get better love, it will,”

            “That’s what your dad said, though it’s just so hard to believe right now.  He told me some things from when your mom died,” I paused and felt Paul’s throat move as he swallowed hard, “And he made me feel a little better.  I know it will pass, I do Paul, but I hate it.  I love Mary and I hate that I can’t look at her without feeling horrible,” The nurse came in just then and gave me my daily dose of whatever it was that made my pain disappear.  She left again and as I laid in Paul’s arms the medicine kicked in and my eyelids were heavy again.  Like always, the rhythm of Paul’s chest began lulling me to sleep.

            “Paul,” I said softly.

            “Yes sweetheart?”

            “I’m so glad you are here,” I told him, “I’m so glad it’s you, I never wanted to be with Davy forever, I thought I did, but I didn’t…it was always you…” I said obviously affected a bit by the drugs, “I love you more than words can say, more than actions can show.  I never want to lose you….you’re my other half….” I began fading away.

            “And I will always be here,” Paul said softly, “You’re every breath I take, every thought in my head, you’re my song—my inspiration,” he kissed my head softly and I smiled with the touch of his lips, “You’re my love, the only one with the key to my heart,” and with that I was asleep.